A Soliloquy

In spite of the fear of you thinking I am MAD, I'd say that I am always talking to myself, at least in my mind. I have conversations of all sorts running through all the time. There are many things running in parallel in my mind (don't know whether it's good or bad), however I am also very much in the present to understand and interpret the state of activities in my own lil way. My hubby termed me agile; today I think that description for me fits really well. 

These are my random musings and have no order, no context of any kind and can also end abruptly.

I happen to start writing this in a completely empty office (you know how it is during Christmas), with not much to do, no one to talk to....As they say,an idle mind is a devil's workshop. You can see what's churning in my workshop here. 

I have CricInfo on one of the tabs, Ind vs Pak, the 2nd T20. Well! there is no denying it. I enjoy Cricket when (and only when) India is playing. I also believe that if my dad watches the game, we lose! For a quick example, it happened 2 days ago! 

I have been going through random blogs of various people (unknown to me!) and it never ceases to amaze how well people can write! I wonder why my mom believed that I could be a journalist some day (Oh well, you know how mum's are...God Bless!)

Having holidays are never like the way it is back home. The sense of having to do 'nothing' does not exist in me anymore. Something I tend to feel every weekend!

I use way too many!!! In my sentences

I wanna learn how to play a musical instrument. Patience is what is needed. I haven't told anyone yet (but decided to put it on the web!) that I wanna buy a ukulele and learn how to play - let's see how long this will last. 

I tend to be comfortable cooking North Indian food than South Indian - how I wish I had my ajji's culinary skills to do so.

I very badly want to update my Photo Blog today, in fact right now as I have left the poor thing hanging for too long!

All this peace and quiet is something I DON'T enjoy. I am totally at home in a crowded market.

The flow of thoughts always has 2 categories, something I like and something I don't. Some things that frustrate me and some that makes me smile...so, here we go...

A few irritating things on my mind:- The fuse in our apartment block has gone out and we had no power this morning. It is almost impossible to carry on doing the basic things in life without electricity in the Western World)- There's no idea of when they can send out a guy to fix it. - I am waiting for the phone to ring, or a text, an email which can ask me to go back home any minute!- It's cold, dark and rainy ( I think I should keep this text handy, so I can copy paste it any other day!)- I am having Porridge (you read it right!) for lunch #yuck

A few happy things on my mind:- Spoke to my bro who is soon going to be buying a car! (Wow... my lil thamma ain't little anymore)- Dad is going to be 60 this March and bro and me chatted about it.- The banana bread I baked yesterday wasn't too bad.- Though I feel shit on most days, I do have my moments where I enjoy the #simplethingsinlife - like just be happy for another day.- Spoke to a couple of friends, how time flies without having spoken a word for so long. The GAP however hadn't widened...God Bless them!- I am going to end this blog - I haven't re-read it, I haven't taken a break or had a think in writing this     ---- Free Flow Salt - is that good? I heard it's rocky salt is!

I am planning to stop this stupidity now however will publish the foolishness..... See I told you....all the quiet in the world doesn't do good to me.

December Diaries

I have left my blog hanging on my previous post for too long. It has dawned on me that no matter what rubbish comes to my mind, when I feel like putting it down... I should! At the end of the day I write for myself. 

Well... Another year comes to an end and I thought let me pen down a few notes to wrap up this year.

Written Dreams - I re-started writing my diary this year. I haven't kept up to it as much as I wanted to, but have been my best attempts so far. It has been comforting and in a little way fulfilling to be able to put the thoughts in black and white. It's like having a friend who can listen to you without being judgmental  I have been writing a lot more and have not been too restrictive with my thoughts. Whether it's a note in the diary, a few scribbles on thoughts, random notes, blog...it's been good.   I would call this a Win.

Being Miserable - I guess this year more than any other in my past life has been the most painful in many aspects. Though I have tried to pull myself together, I have not been successful. If I look back I feel for more than half this year I have remained unhappy, worried, tensed, broken about something or the other. Some aspects of it were not in my control and hence I can easily put the blame and say it was not me. Some others where I have screwed it up big time and there was the repentance that I could have done better. Some others were of being helpless, being far away, being not able to do anything even when you so want to. Some other aspects have been just the day to day features of the big word called Life. I am happy for a couple of days but something envelops me and clouds my state of mind the third...and there is not much I have been able to do. This is a definite Fail!

The Chef in Me - Well... I have enjoyed cooking ever since I have been doing it, never denied that. Of course I have and will mention again that I detest cleaning which follows. Having said that I guess I have learnt a few new tricks, a few easy treats to put food on the table. Unfortunately, I have not clicked a single pic of anything I have prepared and this is something I plan to change in the next year. So what if people back home make a fuss about NRIs clicking pics of what they cook. I don't care and for the joy of cooking and photography I will change this!.

A Book in my Bag - I have made it a point to carry a book where ever I go irrespective of how near or far the journey is. I have been actively reading a book or two throughout this year... which is a change, coz I always used to be bogged down by just one book and was adamant to finish it before I start something new! The huge change I saw is that I don't force a book down if I don't like it....well! Almost there... but getting better at it. 

Leaving a Trail behind - Travel is something I have enjoyed immensely. I thank God for keeping this component of my life active and going good. I got the chance to travel to a couple of new countries - my first time in a Eastern European country was most special. The hubby and I managed 3 holidays in addition to the 2 visits to India. The 3 holidays have been totally different to anything we have done. The first holiday...let’s face it, a disaster to an extent that we wondered why we even took the trip, no more comments about it. The second was to rejuvenate us from the bad phase we had just been through, we welcomed the break. The third was a real holiday, we explored, we faced issues on the trip, and we understood and supported our differences. Work travel has not been extensive; however, it used to come all in a one go which made me crib about it more often than not. Overall, when I look back, I enjoyed it. 

On the Run - Something I started doing this year was going out for a run. Initially, this started as a way to avoid gym. It also started as a way of training towards a couple of 10K which I intended to do and the third was the thought of being in shape and staying fit. The initial few runs were a total misery, however after a few days I started enjoying myself feeling good about going out for a run. I wanted to go for it and that was a great change. I missed it when I didn't do it and I am pleased for myself for discovering something I enjoy doing.

Staying in touch - I make it a point to connect, contact and stay in touch with all near and dear to me irrespective of the fact of what I receive. I need to thank my mother for this. She has often said, just because someone acts funny or silly with us, it isn't done that we act the same. (Though many people think of letting go, I don't want to follow that rule). I must say that not everyone I think is important to me thinks the same of me, Not everyone who I think I need in my life wants me in theirs. Nevertheless, I know who I value in my life and will do anything I can, not to lose them.  

I have many more things to add to this unending list, but the idea was to key in some main ones and hence I draw the strings to this. Hope to be better the next year!