The Rush

No, I am not talking about the movie 'Rush' which by the way I love. If you haven't watched it do so - it's brilliant, it's inspiring, it's sportsmanship at it's best. 

.....It was the end of November and I looked into the list of resolutions I made for 2014 in total panic. A month left and I have not been very good this year in keeping up the expectations I set for myself. I started with a total frenzy in order to get things moving with the list - bottom down, what are the easiest ones, which ones can I still save and what will have to move into the next year. 

A few days into December not much had changed but for the tone I have set for myself this year, total laziness, getting occupied with one thing and losing the bigger picture and most importantly a serial procrastinator that I have become. If I can say anything was consistent this year it was the habit of putting things off - shamelessly, irresponsibly and sometimes (I need to admit) intentionally.

I picked up 3 of the 8 unfinished books and looked forward to relax into it by reading it on my days off just to stand here today with another book added to the unfinished group, those which I started reading and dropped mid-way only to say that they were not interesting enough.  Yes! 9 is the number of unread books today. 

I have at least a dozen lists of various things left at different places at home and in the office - the list of things I need to prioritize and get through. Well, looks like I am getting better at making lists and not striking them off.  I have unfinished business cluttered all around me and I seem to be oblivious of it all. 

There was one thing I could rescue in my list - a plan to connect to family during a festival by sending hand written notes. I had planned that for Diwali and God knows when that came and went. So, New Year's was my time to get this sorted and I totally went all for it - so much that I ended up writing 2015 as the date on a few cards and only realized it after sealing the envelope. Well! I'm sure those who have that card and open it would have a chuckle and think of how me as a right idiot.

In all the madness I feel within me, the one thing I am genuinely trying hard at is to relax, have a sense of calm which was with me for a good part of this year but seem to have disappeared. 

Trying to calm the beast within me, now, 2 days left in the year and I know I cannot do much, but to hope for a another beginning, another good day, a better plan and no rush. 

And while I am attempting to relax I still think that 'Pankh Hote tho ud aati re' is the best tune on the flute and I am happily listening to this as I finish another lot of incomplete notes from my lil diary. 

The burden of not being ambitious

Coming across as a "not so ambitious person" in this super competitive world kind of sucks. Sorry for the use of such language, perhaps for the first time on this blog, but, the reality is.. it does. 

What's the career path like? Is there one in the first place? Where do I want to see myself in 2 years time? I seriously have no answers for any of this. But, if you ask me, this is how I have been for as long as I remember. I simply don't think about these things, I don't have a clue in hell where I'm headed, I have made no plans what so ever to see where I want/ need to be. Don't ask me about 2 years, I wish I could tell you where I would be in 2 months time.

Oh! Let's put the whole career &  professional life aside and lets just talk about plain simple day to day life alright. 

Do I want a big house to live in? Do I want the best of everything? What about my vacation plans?  Have i gotta plan about how I am going to be the host to many a family? Have I thought of all this or aspired for it? Not sure is the answer. Really?  As unreal, as untrue as it may sound, I don't have these big plans made and filed away, all I have is the routine of day to day life and the joy of day turning into night. Taking it one day at a time is the mantra and I am the preacher of it.   Hmmm ....did I say the joy of day turning into night ? 

Well, I notice that I have been mocked directly or between the lines about being so boringly mundane about everything I do. I did have to spare a thought about it and hence this post.

I wondered and questioned whether I really am this uninterested, un ambitious person and the answer is that I perhaps am. But reading a quote somewhere helped put everything in black & white very clearly! I was like, bang on! How true is that , why on earth couldn't I think of it and put it this way? 

         " Inspired by the fear of being average" 

Yes! That is what it is! I knew there had to be something to get me out of bed every morning. 

 However, I see that this fear for me is in the everyday things... Cooking, cleaning, hosting family and friends home or if it's a presentation , the preparation for a meeting that I put in at work. I want to & strive towards getting all the little things I get my hands on 'Right' , as 'right' as I can make it.

Unfortunately, these small things just don't matter or are not considered as being Ambitious or having a drive of any kind. Never mind about the minute life things that make up your day, you don't shout out that you wanna reach the moon then that's it! You are not much of anything in the eyes of one too many.

 Well getting a bit too philosophical, isn't it? I'll stop with this and carry on being what I am and doing what I do, if not anywhere, I'll at least get to the next day and if not for anyone, I'll be happy and pleased with myself! 

... My two cents on this...a rather weird feeling I keep going through.

There's always a first time for everything

Sometimes, Only Sometimes I am in this state of mind where most things with respect to bitter-sweet life seems perfect. Hold on, I haven't got into the zen-mode yet, but in the past week or so I have noticed this calmness which I am so pleased and thankful about. I wanted to record this hoping that during those crazy turbulent times which by the way happens on the majority of the days in the year, I can read this note and remind myself that after every bad there will be good and after every storm, a calm. 

There is absolutely 'Nothing' happening in my life at the moment. The morning is taken over by mid-day and evening and night and it seems to be on a repeat mode without a shuffle. Well, I suppose you cannot shuffle night to day anyway. Things are 'Not' at it's best - work wise, personal life, plans in life and so on and so on. I have little or nothing to say about my previous day on my daily call to Amma. Days are rolling by at the speed of light and I dont seem to recollect what git me occupied in the past week. The uneventfulness of the situation is written all over and shouts a big 'absolutely nothing happened' to me when i try to remember the past weeks. Yet! There is a tranquility in me which is a rare rare thing. I always thought I just cannot sit quiet, stay calm, be at peace. I was convinced that I was born without the genes that makes one be that way. 

I am packing my days with little things that makes me happy and I am surprised to see these little things had never made it to my list of things that I enjoy. If I ever decide to spell them out, people would be sure that I have lost it and the signs I had shown before were true. Plain simple things are such joy and this has always been my takeaway from life. Who recollects a ponsy moment more than a down to earth one? Not me!

For the first time, I didn't panic for not having the flow to write. 3 weeks gone and not a word written didn't make me jump into writing for the sake of absence. I was perfectly at ease, I read many many blogs in this space of time and marvelled the way they were written. All the ones bookmarked are either simple personal blogs or food blogs. Some of them are amazing.....it's made me drop all the books I was reading trying to read. 

Looking forward to a good hindi movie is something I have done for ever. A couple of days after having watched the movie '2 states', the hubby brought it up all out of the blue in between a random conversation that the movie that we watched the past weekend was 'good'. His words ' I too had a lump in my throat in a couple of scenes ' just cracked it for me. I had a big grin...this was the moment when I could confirm that he is now a Hindi movie convert, from watching none at all to casually asking what's on the movies, to actually liking it and best of all looking forward to the next one. This is a huge success to the huge huge Bollywood buff in me.

Zumba! The latest thing that has gotten into me. Love the music, the dance, the attitude and most of all love the pain...you know the good sorta pain? That. I admit being a Miss.Two-Left-feet but have enjoyed these sessions immensely. I am also beginning to believe this is doing a better good to my body than just running which I am trying to sneak in at least 1-2 times a week. 

Beginning to care for the few pot plants that we have started to grow is another big surprise. I was sure that I must be some kind of an expert in killing plants, but these little ones have not only survived me for a couple of months, but are in full bloom. What joy!  Like I believed that the advert which said 'plants come to my home to die' was made just for me, beginning to believe I can change that. 

So...basically I am trying to collect Life's little moments and making it count. 4 days of leave now and for the first time again, I have plans...new ones, weird ones and it's all going to make this 'MeTime' completely worth it....Fingers Crossed. 

Random Notes - It's that time of the year

Alright, just so we like to write random things about what's happening and what's not with life in general. 

It's that time of the year.....when you leave work its so dark that you want to hit the bed straight away, wearing a few extra layers still makes you feel cold to the bone, you may have a few too many clothing items on you that one minute you are hot as a freshly baked potato while in the tube or can't feel your fingers the minute you are out on the streets,  a day starts and ends by looking into the weather report for the next 24hrs and you'd need another hot drink even after sipping through 6-7 cups of tea or coffee a day...Well, I'll take it that you're getting the swing of things. 

I am being my own moody self and there's no changes on that end. I am uber happy and super excited about the simplest of things on one day and have a completely grey, sulky, sad, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat-day just the next time the moon went around the earth. 

It's that time of the year which makes me the most emotionally drained when compared to any other time of the year- looking back on things unaccomplished, undone, unchanged in the past year there is a disappointment of some sorts on one end while the other end seems to be alright with the little new pleasures, new thoughts that took shape this year. 

It's a time to look forward to much more than any other time for that new year, for the new challenges, times and projects that I can take over and get at in the next year to come. It's like another chance in life to do something that you always wanted to, to change that annoying habit of yours that stuck like a parasite to you and to try and correct those mistakes that you repeated ....yet again. 

The drive to learn is still bubbling from within,the constant go to a new place even if its just a new street in the same city, or click a new picture, learn a new tone,read a new note, make someone happy, a little gesture to change a little thing for someone - This "do something" is what I have heard my inner voice sing to me, shout at me to keep me on the go. 

The restlessness to keep at something, not getting what I really want is constantly trying to take over me so easily. I am prodding along..... the 'Kat Rahi hai Zinadagi'....feeling, is not keeping me as positive as I would like to be. But I am trying, trying to hold myself together, to stay happy, to think ahead and leave the rest to dear God thanking him for those days when I neither feel too happy nor too sad but count the little blessings and stay just content.

A simple, uncomplicated, easy, blah blah..... far from it.

Well, just as I thought I was able to churn out blog posts pretty quickly, I've had a brief writer's block, a sudden loss of ideas, a pause. Nothing seemed relevant, concrete or complete enough to post here.

A lot of things are going through my little insignificant brain from the past few weeks and a lot is going on in my life too, oh! don't jump into conclusions - nothing too good nor bad but plain simple everyday life which I think has its own worth. 

While one part of me is feeling all tired and frustrated and sick of the boring busy routine I have for myself, the other side of me is trying to be all positive and peppy reminding me that I don't own all of life's problems and that I need to learn to be happy and content with what I have and not. Yeah Yeah... I do get philosophical in my mind at times. 

Somehow in all that I am consumed with in my current life, memories are taking over most of my time and thoughts, leaving me with cackling laughter, a wide smile , an odd tear.  I can't get by most of the day to day tasks without thinking about how it used to be or without reflecting on what I had done a few years ago on the same occasion. It's about remembering the loved ones I have left behind far far away from where I am today. Nostalgia seems to be taking complete control over me and my activities.

More so in these months of festivals. The urge to do things, to connect the current life to the past years is huge. To weave in what roots I carry to the modern, western way of living. There is a sense of carrying on by myself towards  what I need to achieve, how I need to live, what I need to do, however with the consciousness of making this journey with those that matter to me.

I'd love to tell my loved ones back home what they mean to me. I'd like to remind them not to forget me. I'd like to let them know I think of them all the time. I'd like to say that without the memories knitted with them I cannot progress today...that's how dependent I am on it. 

However, can I bring myself to saying it? do I actually say it? No, I don't.  Communication, Conversation, speaking my mind, showing my feelings is something I never thought I'd struggle with so much. So much that I hate what I end up doing, just bottling it within. Keeping mum!

Call this post a vent, call this a cry, it's actually neither. It's just the haphazardness of a complex thinking mind that's made it's way on paper. It's a pretty weird feeling I am living with in the past few months. It's amazing how a fairly sane routine too can kill you. 

I know I am trying, learning, failing, being happy, being sad, being confused, being angry all at the same time and getting all too over-sentimental about everyday life. And I know that a bit of randomness in a blog post won't hurt and you won't mind it. 

Book of Comparisons

Well! They say comparing things makes one unhappy which to a large extent is true. However, some comparisons does make you wonder a bit and laugh a bit.

Ever since I have been living in the western world I haven't stopped comparing how things are here to how things can be back home about general stuff I see and do here. I always thought of penning down what they were as soon as I had the thought crossing my mind, never actually managed to do that, I do recollect  a few things every now and then and hence the idea came in the form of this blog.

My list of comparisons ... 

About Houses/Homes - 

The first thing one can see as a stark difference to the residential layout here are the row houses, with every house looking the same on every street. You can however make out a rich area from a poor quite easily however the houses on one particular lane always resemble each other. That's something I have never seen in any town or city in India where a row of houses all looked alike. 

Back home, the dust bin(s) are usually kept at the backyard or near a wash area away from a visitor's eye. Here, the first thing that stands out to welcome you home are 3 big bins - black, brown and green. I still find it so frustrating to see the bin placed right at the entrance of the home - such an unpleasant sight! My mind refuses to take this in. 

About Motorways and Driving-

I'm not going to talk about roads back home as its distressing.  And it of course goes without saying that the roads here are amazing. Flat roads, straight roads, well marked (sometimes too many) sign boards and most people on the roads tend to do the right thing which is quite opposite to what it is back home. 

Some things I noticed - 

No matter where you are, in whatever nook and corner of this country, how tiny a road it is and where it's leading you to, there is a signboard to state the the name/number of the road and you can immediately trace that on a map. You never have the feeling of being lost without knowing the way out or way back. 

At home, maps are a thing unknown. However, no matter how lost one may feel, in most cases you see some small corner shop or typically a few men sitting on a sill by the road who you can approach to ask for directions. It's funny how you can always somehow find that random person sitting in the middle of nowhere who can give you an idea where you are on a long lost road. 

When you're driving and try to get in front of someone  (I can't use the word overtake as that does not happen the way we know it!), there is usually a sign you make either in to the mirror or by flashing the tail lights to gesture a thank you to the other car which let you in. How often do we see that back home? People just seem to be in a hurry to get someplace or more like I found some space so I got in - survival of the fittest right?

I also find that driving here can be quite boring - at least that is what the hubby says. He complains of feeling sleepy in spite of all the banter I provide on the drive! Basically, the roads here are so mundane that there is absolutely no drama going on. There are only signs of towns, cities that we pass by but you never cut across any. There are no quick street side shops, no chance of a cow or a buffalo coming along, no encounters with a vehicle in the opposite direction right in front of you when you least expect it and of course no road side quarrels.  Basically, you get to drive and drive fast. That's it.

About Food-

The whole concept about food is termed in 2 sections - hot food and cold food. Had never heard the latter before. A meal was always hot. Why would you spend money to buy something that has gone cold? 

It's also crazy that on days when it's rainy or cold, people are happy to grab a sandwich for lunch with a juice and a pack of crisps - I was in total grief when I had to do the same the first time!

On the other hand, it's amazing how this city caters to different tastes, name the cuisine and there's a place serving it and serving it well. I can't imagine getting authentic anything back home as we love our food so much that everything is Indianized. Goes without saying that I actually like them more. 

About Public Transport-

It's great to have a system where you don't have to think too much to get from one end of the city to another. Needless to talk about the Underground in London being one of the best. It's amazing how one can get from opposite ends of the city without any hassle what so ever. Back at home it requires you to keep a day aside if you are planning to get to the other end. No guarantee with traffic, road blocks or anything and there is little alternate transport to get you there.

The public transport is efficient but not exciting. You might be doing the same journey for years on the same train at the same time with the same people but you would have never had any conversation. People just don't chat with each other, there is no talk about who you are, where you are going, where you're coming from, what you do and all the random talk that happens on buses and trains back home. 

About Greetings-

One of the first greetings you hear from another is 'You're alright' - I am still not sure if this is what they say!? Well.. for someone who was used to a simple How are you,  this greeting used to catch me off guard as I wondered whether it was a question or a statement. Like... are you asking me if I am alright or do you think by looking at me that I look alright.  I have stood and grinned like I have nothing to say on many such occasions.

I generally ask the common one which is How are you? and the standard answer I receive is 'Not too bad'. Now, this one too used to make me wonder whether that means I am doing good or I could have been worse. I someone feel that not too bad is a negative response to saying I'm doing good. IMHO. 

About Weather-

I don't remember seeing the weather forecast ever! It was generally known that the summer months are hot, the winter months are chill i.e. a small cardigan during the early hours and late evenings were good enough and the monsoon months were pure rain, especially in the evenings. 

Now, I don't remember a day when I don't come across the weather forecast in some form or the other. While at home the weather can get from hot, hotter, hottest, here it can only get cold, colder, coldest. 

I don't consider people talking about weather all the time as a huge difference in ways as I know that people back home too discuss weather - however, the only difference being that they generally talk how hot it has become and people here tend to talk how shit the weather is. 

About Maps-

The west love their maps. Every City, Town, Public Transport, Park, Museum, Tourist attraction you go to has a beautifully printed map. It's amazing how my mind is now a complete convert. If I go somewhere and I don't have a map, it feels odd! 

However, the minute I set foot in India my mind completely switches off about the world of maps. Love the fact that directions can be based on a corner mango tree, a small shop, a post box, a broken down van or just about anything. And of course, miraculously you reach the destination without any issues. 

I now wish I had taken little notes of observations I made, I bet I will come up with more such things as I go along...I just find it interesting to observe people, place, lifestyles and I don't want to conclude that one is better than the other. It just happens to work the way it is!

Bitten by the Twitter Bug

I don't remember when I actually created a 'Twitter' account and I am too lazy to go back and check. However, initially I wasn't the brightest to understand what the fuss about Twitter was all about. I was wondering what is there to tweet about! What is the concept of tagging! What on earth is a retweet, quote tweet, what happens when we use a '@', when to use a '#' and so on. I basically didn't get it! I thought I was completely not cut out for it.
But today I am totally changed in my view about Twitter! Yes #somethingsDOchange :)
I think it's a great platform for people who like to talk, who like to express and for some who just like to record day to day activities.

Now, I always thought a Blog is great, however, it's quite an effort to maintain it and when you have just a statement to make it isn’t so great. You wouldn't want to churn a blog for a note. I always pushed myself to maintain a diary, but I found myself not keeping up to it every day. Now everyone is not like Bigb or SrBachchan as his blog’s changed now - it's awesome how he writes every single day!

Facebook is on a slightly different scale - but I was not always comfortable about putting up everything I think.

It's connects to people on such larger scale. If I want to know about what someone or some organization I care about is doing it's a great informal way to connect - opening up a bigger audience.

More than all that what drove me towards it is that I love to talk! And in my opinion Twitter is cut out for people who love to talk but don't have a person to always talk to. It's great to capture life's little moments, day to day thoughts and just quote...sorry tweet a random note about a little something.

So I conclude saying ....... Happy Tweeting!

Remembering Miss Lingoleela

For those of you who might not know Miss.Lingoleela.....was the character played by the Radio Jockey Priya Ganapathy on Radio City 91.1FM in Bangalore...It was the good old college days and we used to be hooked to the different shows on this FM, this was a snippet 'The daily kannada ward by Miss.lingoleela' where she teaches the audience the kannada slang, as she put it, her task was to educate the peepols about the lochales language. She was SSLC passed but currently unemplaaayed. A new word was taught every day…. though this was for the outsiders to get a taste of the slanguage, it amused a lot of us kannadigas and was a perfect coffee time chit chat.

Words like bombaat, sakkathu, jinkchak,ghoostlu, kireek, bejaan and many more became a part of our day-to-day conversation....some known, some new. A sentence was also framed in the show which showed the usage of the word...Perfect!!! You even know the context in which it could be used!!! There were mixed responses in the audience.....some totally loved her, some disliked the misuse of the language...but the show went on.. I don't have an idea of how many such daily words were taught….. but it went on for months or may be a year!

Someone has  had put up a list of a few words and the meanings on this page which I think thought was hilarious….. Take a look and laugh out!
- Lesson learnt to have a local copy of web pages you like and not bank on the links.