Come Full Circle

I guess the long aimless walk is all I wanted to get me penning down a few lines which I have been itching to do in the past few days.  My eyes are still tired....for a fact, I have been staring at my laptop screen non-stop for a good part of the past week. 

I have to start this one with the quote I had read and favourited. Sometime ago, may be a year now,  was when I was feeling down. Nothing seemed to cheer me up, I could not have what I wanted and on most occasions I did not know what I needed. This feeling of 'low' stayed with me for a long long time. I had messed up way too many things, I was losing too many good friends - some for my own fault, some for the circumstances, some because they probably decided I was not good enough for them and some more for they got so busy and pre-occupied in their lives that they just forgot that someone like me existed. 

I had decided then that I am going to keep myself occupied with things...simple as it may be, silly as it may sound but I would have a list of things to do, things not to do and I would stick to that and get so drowned in it that I don't feel as low. 

I can't say I have been entirely successful at this- there are many many times when I miss my friends, miss the company, feel low, down and depressed but the feeling stays for a while and goes away and I go back to my list. The 'peaks' and 'troughs' exist in my life as much as the sun and the moon do, as much as summer and winter does. It's become a part of me. 

It's been a while now, at least a good year and I have had those 'ups' and 'downs' but now as this year closes down I am back at being slightly on the low but holding up just so I can wait for the peak to happen. 

As the year has gone passed there's one thing that I have noticed... I love to have company - be it in new people I meet, old friends, cousins, family, new friends -that is one of the key things I need in life to move on. But I have also realized that all this cannot be wished for as the other person needs to wish the same and as much as I yearn for that togetherness, I can't have it. 

I am learning to be 'ok' with my own company and there are times when I am so comfortable at it that it is worrying.... it's worrying me a lot. I don't want to be this way, but it's just turning out this way...

Just like how all this I have scribbled so far is not making sense, this thought of what I enjoy  - 'the being together' and what I am doing  - 'the being with myself' , the contradiction that it brings is making me go slightly insane.....but, I am positively waiting for the 'peak' again - this time it's been a while since it has met me. 

When things go Wrong....

Sometimes things come to you when you have least expected it. It does not bring you easy options too!

When things get tough, when you are going through perhaps one of the worst phases of your life everything seems to come to a standstill. Collecting yourself together to get through and be as normal as you can be is challenging. These are times when everything else takes a very low priority.

It's often said that talking your troubles to others would bring comfort. However, there are a few thoughts around it, do you want to tell someone something that's bothering you and trouble them too? And the other being it's painful to spread the problem and you might want to keep it with yourself.

Time is always said to heal almost everything. Easier said than done, but giving this time some 'Time' actually works. The intensity of the problem is surprisingly low on the 4th or the 5th day than Day 1!


Looking at alternatives, again, something that does not always work, but a deviation of whatever sort from the issue does some good for the otherwise bad day.

Being positive that things will get better for the good is perhaps one of the best ways to get by, the will to be that needs to be strong.

There's also the why me, why this, why now factors which pulls you back 2 steps when you have made an attempt to take 4 ahead.

All this said... It's faith in God that things will change that is the ultimate strength and we need to take each moment and carry on with an unaltered faith that 'HE' has something in store for you and that's how things work.