There's always a first time for everything

Sometimes, Only Sometimes I am in this state of mind where most things with respect to bitter-sweet life seems perfect. Hold on, I haven't got into the zen-mode yet, but in the past week or so I have noticed this calmness which I am so pleased and thankful about. I wanted to record this hoping that during those crazy turbulent times which by the way happens on the majority of the days in the year, I can read this note and remind myself that after every bad there will be good and after every storm, a calm. 

There is absolutely 'Nothing' happening in my life at the moment. The morning is taken over by mid-day and evening and night and it seems to be on a repeat mode without a shuffle. Well, I suppose you cannot shuffle night to day anyway. Things are 'Not' at it's best - work wise, personal life, plans in life and so on and so on. I have little or nothing to say about my previous day on my daily call to Amma. Days are rolling by at the speed of light and I dont seem to recollect what git me occupied in the past week. The uneventfulness of the situation is written all over and shouts a big 'absolutely nothing happened' to me when i try to remember the past weeks. Yet! There is a tranquility in me which is a rare rare thing. I always thought I just cannot sit quiet, stay calm, be at peace. I was convinced that I was born without the genes that makes one be that way. 

I am packing my days with little things that makes me happy and I am surprised to see these little things had never made it to my list of things that I enjoy. If I ever decide to spell them out, people would be sure that I have lost it and the signs I had shown before were true. Plain simple things are such joy and this has always been my takeaway from life. Who recollects a ponsy moment more than a down to earth one? Not me!

For the first time, I didn't panic for not having the flow to write. 3 weeks gone and not a word written didn't make me jump into writing for the sake of absence. I was perfectly at ease, I read many many blogs in this space of time and marvelled the way they were written. All the ones bookmarked are either simple personal blogs or food blogs. Some of them are amazing.....it's made me drop all the books I was reading trying to read. 

Looking forward to a good hindi movie is something I have done for ever. A couple of days after having watched the movie '2 states', the hubby brought it up all out of the blue in between a random conversation that the movie that we watched the past weekend was 'good'. His words ' I too had a lump in my throat in a couple of scenes ' just cracked it for me. I had a big grin...this was the moment when I could confirm that he is now a Hindi movie convert, from watching none at all to casually asking what's on the movies, to actually liking it and best of all looking forward to the next one. This is a huge success to the huge huge Bollywood buff in me.

Zumba! The latest thing that has gotten into me. Love the music, the dance, the attitude and most of all love the pain...you know the good sorta pain? That. I admit being a Miss.Two-Left-feet but have enjoyed these sessions immensely. I am also beginning to believe this is doing a better good to my body than just running which I am trying to sneak in at least 1-2 times a week. 

Beginning to care for the few pot plants that we have started to grow is another big surprise. I was sure that I must be some kind of an expert in killing plants, but these little ones have not only survived me for a couple of months, but are in full bloom. What joy!  Like I believed that the advert which said 'plants come to my home to die' was made just for me, beginning to believe I can change that. 

So...basically I am trying to collect Life's little moments and making it count. 4 days of leave now and for the first time again, I have plans...new ones, weird ones and it's all going to make this 'MeTime' completely worth it....Fingers Crossed. 

Empty Streets

A couple of weeks ago I made an overnight trip to Geneva for a client meeting. I had resigned myself to a trip that would include an evening of staying in the room and preparing for the next day's meeting, going through the documents received and clearing the inbox which was long due.  I had looked forward to a short stroll in the city either pre or post dinner to brush against the new place, new streets, new people that travel brings with it, something that I enjoy doing irrespective of where I go. 

Little did I know that my hotel was booked in a little town in France that was no where close to the city we are talking about (Geneva borders France and Switzerland). This place, Divonnes les bains in which most letters will be skipped if I plan to pronounce it was at the foot of the hills which overlooks the mightly Alps far on the other side of the spectrum. We drove many miles away from Geneva to reach this place and the closer we got to the destination, the absence of activity, of people seemed to take over the landscape. 

I checked into this hotel, well, studio apartment and from my little cold balcony I saw a pristine steam with trees and shrubs and a cute little bridge over it. How picturesque, How Europe! 

I didn't think much of it to be honest as I was happy to know I have wi-fi access which worked the first time I tried it! I got busy in my preparation for the meeting, I had 3 other documents in my inbox waiting for my attention. I also caught up with my colleague to discuss the plan of attack ( sometimes planning a pre-sales meeting makes me feel like planning for a win, No! a war...well, you know what I mean!). The colleague was pleasant but clearly disappointed that beer was served in a whiskey glass. Let me not discuss anything more of what his thoughts were or mine :) 

Yes! For a non-beer drinker that I usually am and for the German-beer-drinker that he is we both settled for beer in France which is so very wrong!

Having completed the 'work' for the evening, I decided to take a stroll in this little town...village? ...the place. 

A 2-minute stroll to the center of the town got me to a church facing a square and some weirdly random shops around - a boutique, a barber, a sushi restaurant and a shoe shop...

A little stroll from there gave options of a creperie, a patisserie - which got me convinced I was in France.

There also was this token Indian restaurant which I dared not to visit.

A few people - lets number - may be 10 in total were walking about minding their own business, in fact like as if they were in a hurry to catch a train or something. I wondered what was so 'busy' in this little place.

I was awing on the sight of the perfectly golden crowned, snow covered Alps at a distance and refrained clicking any pictures on my mobile as it would have done no justice to nature's beauty. 

I took a left here, a right turn there, walked straight ahead somewhere crossing random things. And just in the non-dramatic setting were things like this and that and the most surprising of all  - A Casino! 

Well... I thought the emptiness of the place, it's streets would make my stroll that evening an uneventful one... but the very fact makes me think today. 

I enjoyed the quiet of the place which in a way made me hear my innermost fears, dreams , those wants, the needs and the quiet serenity. I liked the silence, the solitude, the tone of nothing, the noise of peace but I also remembered how I can easily go mad without the chaos of day to day life. 

I can't help but term this place 'Beautifully Dead'.

Window Seat

Yes, I have one on my train from London to Nottingham. From the time I remember, I have never said no to a train journey. I sometimes feel like I live in a little fantasy world I have created for myself where the simplest of things gets me thrilled.

It’s almost a decade ago that I was working in Chennai and made weekend trips back home to Bangalore (Yes… Bangalore and not Bengaluru!).  My world revolved around trains, booking centres and train stations. I also had this bizarre idea about working in the train station where I can announce the arrivals and departures in Hindi & Tamil. Something about naming the unknown and faraway places gave me a weird thrill. Like a train from Chennai to Delhi – wow! A long way to go.

I have to  get a window seat, preferably forward facing and no matter how many times the same route is taken, I have to look out for every station called and look outside at the passing landscape even if it was a rather plain non-dramatic scenery.  So a night journey was something I didn’t look forward to as much. I couldn’t sleep well – with the restlessness about where we are and how far we have come to the worry of what’s happening to my belongings and finally the Ticket collector nudging you to check your tickets just when you thought you could doze off.

The trains in the western world are, needless to say, different. For a start, they are extremely clean. They can be cozy, well, if the air con setting is correct, if not it can be quite chilly too. They are definitely fast, so you can really cover a lot of distance is not so much time. However, for  me, are 3 things about train rides here to back home that make a world of difference.

The uneventfulness, if I can say that is what doesn’t make me remember anything special about the train rides here. For a start, there is hardly any form of conversation with anyone, so you see I can sit there typing all this up! Secondly, it’s the food – the cold drinks, cold sandwiches and a few packs of chips (well…crisps as it’s called here) just don’t do it for me. God! Do I miss the fresh hot food coming out of the pantry car – and I am specifically talking about the Lalbagh Express which provided all this and enough entertainment for the rides back home. For a third, it’s the fact that it is so quiet which isn’t a bad thing, you can actually listen to music, read and sleep (if you can) at peace. But peculiar as it may seem I miss that Chug-Chug -Chuk-Chuk sound that is so characteristic of trains.

I have more stories to speak about my train rides 10 years ago than I have done in the past 6 years – and I know I have done more here than back home.

Nevertheless, the train journeys in the UK make you go through undramatic Rolling Meadows, the countryside is beautiful and can be quite picture perfect on a lovely day, but there is no huge change in the landscape – there is a monotony to it which is actually quite peaceful.

Train rides bring out the side of me which often does not surface.  It’s one of the few times when I don’t think much, the mind is inactive and just watching the scenes pass by taking in what comes along the journey

The List is Ready - Resolutions - 2014

I started this madness last year where I thought of making a part of my things to do for the year public - I felt accountable, responsible and it helped me keep a check at things, I am kinda pleased with the results and am taking the plunge again to publicly show off how big an idiot I am (yet again!) 

As crazy is it may seem I am publishing this again.  My list for 2014 is ready and this is it! I have taken it easy on a few things - no hard set goals this time, I had to omit a few out as it's not entirely in my hands - dependency is a bad thing! and I have some items not published here and lets see how well I can keep up to that. 

I had to carry over a couple of items from last year and continue working on a few others  but have a longish list of new items too. Exciting, Driven and still a little scared about a few of them - Let's see...only  time will tell. 

Here we go....

Make a Daily Habit  - I must say I do keep up to it quite well, however, the past year saw me going through a Love-Hate relationship with books - I want to change the status to a simple 'Like' and want to set aside at 30 minutes to an hour a day to read. I want to make sure I don't have gaps and would like to read everyday. 

Don't bank on the memory - Pick up the diary again. Don't write stories (as we know what happens after a couple of months), don't write only sad things (as we know we will never read them). Just pencil in a what happened that day and make a note if something nice or not so nice happened. Come on... that should not be so hard! 

Get out of the Comfort zone - I could rename this 'Conquer a Fear' - All this while I have either been driving people away from me or driving crazy those who stay. I want need to learn how to drive. Enough of laziness, enough of pushing things around, enough of escaping.  Need to learn how to drive - and this time in a correct methodical way.

Explore a Passion- Pick up the camera again and stop being (just) a smart phone photographer - I can't completely say I have discovered my passion but Photography is something I have enjoyed doing. I want to take this up as a project and work towards it. The actual project may take another year or two, but I want to start my work on it. At the end of this year, I should at least have the content, a plan, research done. 

Be Good with Food - I don't think I eat a lot of unhealthy food but definitely want to keep a check at what's going inside my body and not go too crazy with junk food. One thing I consciously need to act on is not to waste food. I tend to cook too much and the rest is not used or I buy too many things and have to throw them as they have expired - Need to stop this.  

Change a tad bit of the lifestyle - Wake up Early - something I have 'NEVER' managed to do. The past year was the worst, I slept late, woke up late and ended up at work really late on so many days of the week. I would like to wake up nice and early and have some time to eat my breakfast and not skip it. 7am is the aim now.... would love to make it 6:30!  (Currently it's between 8:00 - 8:30am). I would definitely do a lie in every now and then, but I'd want the majority of the days to be an early start. Let's see! This will be hard. 

Stay Connected -  I'll take the lesson from mom again 'You do your bit and don't expect the other to do the same for you'. I have realized that my happiness lies in being connected to the people I love - family & friends and I don't want to run into months of not staying in touch. I want to get through the year knowing that I stayed connected and not thinking that it's been 6 months and I don't have a clue.

(Try to) Give up something - I'm tempted to write no alcohol for 2 months again. But, I would say restrict - may be not have a drink every week. If I can skip a couple of weeks in every month I would think I've done well here. 

I want to add a second item - biting my nails :(  which has 'NEVER' happened until now.   

Need to stick to these: 

Stay Fit - Have enjoyed the gym from the past 3 months. I need to just keep at it and not quit. The Plan is to maintain the 3-times a week workout to stay the way I am if not better it. 

Do something for someone- Volunteering has been good but the 10K run was good too. I want to do another 10K this year and enroll in at least 3 different volunteer activities. 

Do something you like-  Write, Click and Travel - as fancy as they may sound, I would like to do more of all this and in a way they can be interconnected. Write at least 3 blog posts per month. Write all travelogues till date and the on the new travels (hopefully) I take. 

Keep the Faith/Keep the Culture- Two Festivals to celebrate  -need to really work on this one. 

Carrying Over from the Last Year:

Try something again- I want to grow plants and NOT kill them. My aim is to maintain atleast 5 pot plants which I hope will nourish under my care.

Better planning - this is a wide topic. To start with its planning holidays, planning for activities during the  weekend,  planning my time when I go home - If someone asks me what I did when I last visited home, I dont have much to say - I want to change that. 

That is it! So, I guess it's time to start working now. If you managed to get through till here, Thank you and Wish you a very Happy New Year. 

Check Off the 2013 Bucket List

Overall, I would say 2013 was my worst year ever. The past year pulled me down every single time I tried to stand up. I was unbelievably rude, disconnected, alone and lost for most of it.  Trying too hard to please everyone and keep everyone happy, I have done no good to being sane and happy with what I really want.  Juggling away too many things, I don't think I gave justice to anything which needed it's due. 

In a way, I am happy that the worst is done and it's time for better days. Revisiting lists is good and striking things off the list is better. 

About a year ago, I had made these plans for 2013, it's unbelievable how this  year has gone by and we have set foot in a new one. I'd like to take a re-look at this, publishing it here did help me get on with it - perhaps a little better than the other personal list I had for myself. So.. here we go... 

• Try something again- I want to grow plants and NOT kill them. My aim is to maintain atleast 5 pot plants which I hope will nourish under my care. This was a Non-Starter. Though the thought crossed my mind a few times through the year, I actually did nothing about it. A FAIL. 

• Stay Fit- I still detest going to the gym, however the weather being cold I have stopped doing my runs too. The aim is to do some kind of exercise at least 2 times in the week ( tempted to say 3, but thats the start of things going downhill).  I haven't felt this fit ever before in my life. The ME TIME was used well.  I'd like to give this a yellow as this isn't a destination and it would always be a work in progress 

• Better planning - this is a wide topic. To start with its planning holidays, planning for activities during the  weekend,  planning my time when I go home- If someone asks me what I did when I last visited home, I dont have much to say - I want to change that.  A complete FAIL. The one holiday we took was a super bad plan and the fact that I had 8 days left of leave with nothing to do at the end of the year sums up this item on my list. 

• Learn something New - I want to learn how to play a musical instrument. The plan is to learn how to play 5 known tunes on it.  Did manage to learn 3.5 tunes on the Flute - still loving the instrument but a long long way to go. 

• Do something for someone - Run a 10K -at least 1 for a charity. Managed a 10K for Race for Life Charity with 3 other friends and raised close to £300 for the cancer research. (Very Pleased). Also managed a day at Crisis for homeless people -What an experience. Hope to do more. 

• Do something you like- Write more- at least 2 blogs per month.  One of the most enjoyable things I have managed this year. Again, would like to keep it going. 

• Get out of the comfort zone - The Journal - This is a little project I took on myself last year but left it mid way ( like most other things). It's my collection of notes about life and living in London- need to atleast complete 10 chapters this year. Changed the plan a little bit, instead of keeping it all too serious, I took the route of writing up my London Diaries - It's going OK, nothing special

• Keep the Faith - Visit Subramanya - my most favourite temple on Earth and haven't visited it in more than 5 years. I hope I can manage a visit this time. Yes! Thank you dear God (and mom & dad and bro) for making this happen. 

• Keep the Culture - Celebrate at least 2 festivals this year in a simple way.  Can't really strike it out as the only one I did was Ganesha habba. Would have loved to celebrate Diwali, but was painting the house instead. 

• Set a goal - 100kms in 100days - let's see! - Yes! a big strike off and I am now doing 50km every month in running. Will take it easy on this one in the coming year. 

• Give up something - Alcohol free Month - 2 months....come on that shouldn't be hard!  - Yes! February and September (ok ok.. the shortest months!) - But, the detox was good :)

Now it's time to make a new list and I am so looking forward to it in all it's grand silliness. It does help to keep me look forward to something and I get a sense of responsibility by publishing it here. Well, I'm glad you're over 2013, you weren't really my best. 

Come Full Circle

I guess the long aimless walk is all I wanted to get me penning down a few lines which I have been itching to do in the past few days.  My eyes are still tired....for a fact, I have been staring at my laptop screen non-stop for a good part of the past week. 

I have to start this one with the quote I had read and favourited. Sometime ago, may be a year now,  was when I was feeling down. Nothing seemed to cheer me up, I could not have what I wanted and on most occasions I did not know what I needed. This feeling of 'low' stayed with me for a long long time. I had messed up way too many things, I was losing too many good friends - some for my own fault, some for the circumstances, some because they probably decided I was not good enough for them and some more for they got so busy and pre-occupied in their lives that they just forgot that someone like me existed. 

I had decided then that I am going to keep myself occupied with things...simple as it may be, silly as it may sound but I would have a list of things to do, things not to do and I would stick to that and get so drowned in it that I don't feel as low. 

I can't say I have been entirely successful at this- there are many many times when I miss my friends, miss the company, feel low, down and depressed but the feeling stays for a while and goes away and I go back to my list. The 'peaks' and 'troughs' exist in my life as much as the sun and the moon do, as much as summer and winter does. It's become a part of me. 

It's been a while now, at least a good year and I have had those 'ups' and 'downs' but now as this year closes down I am back at being slightly on the low but holding up just so I can wait for the peak to happen. 

As the year has gone passed there's one thing that I have noticed... I love to have company - be it in new people I meet, old friends, cousins, family, new friends -that is one of the key things I need in life to move on. But I have also realized that all this cannot be wished for as the other person needs to wish the same and as much as I yearn for that togetherness, I can't have it. 

I am learning to be 'ok' with my own company and there are times when I am so comfortable at it that it is worrying.... it's worrying me a lot. I don't want to be this way, but it's just turning out this way...

Just like how all this I have scribbled so far is not making sense, this thought of what I enjoy  - 'the being together' and what I am doing  - 'the being with myself' , the contradiction that it brings is making me go slightly insane.....but, I am positively waiting for the 'peak' again - this time it's been a while since it has met me. 

Random Notes - It's that time of the year

Alright, just so we like to write random things about what's happening and what's not with life in general. 

It's that time of the year.....when you leave work its so dark that you want to hit the bed straight away, wearing a few extra layers still makes you feel cold to the bone, you may have a few too many clothing items on you that one minute you are hot as a freshly baked potato while in the tube or can't feel your fingers the minute you are out on the streets,  a day starts and ends by looking into the weather report for the next 24hrs and you'd need another hot drink even after sipping through 6-7 cups of tea or coffee a day...Well, I'll take it that you're getting the swing of things. 

I am being my own moody self and there's no changes on that end. I am uber happy and super excited about the simplest of things on one day and have a completely grey, sulky, sad, cry-at-the-drop-of-a-hat-day just the next time the moon went around the earth. 

It's that time of the year which makes me the most emotionally drained when compared to any other time of the year- looking back on things unaccomplished, undone, unchanged in the past year there is a disappointment of some sorts on one end while the other end seems to be alright with the little new pleasures, new thoughts that took shape this year. 

It's a time to look forward to much more than any other time for that new year, for the new challenges, times and projects that I can take over and get at in the next year to come. It's like another chance in life to do something that you always wanted to, to change that annoying habit of yours that stuck like a parasite to you and to try and correct those mistakes that you repeated ....yet again. 

The drive to learn is still bubbling from within,the constant go to a new place even if its just a new street in the same city, or click a new picture, learn a new tone,read a new note, make someone happy, a little gesture to change a little thing for someone - This "do something" is what I have heard my inner voice sing to me, shout at me to keep me on the go. 

The restlessness to keep at something, not getting what I really want is constantly trying to take over me so easily. I am prodding along..... the 'Kat Rahi hai Zinadagi'....feeling, is not keeping me as positive as I would like to be. But I am trying, trying to hold myself together, to stay happy, to think ahead and leave the rest to dear God thanking him for those days when I neither feel too happy nor too sad but count the little blessings and stay just content.

The Perfect Road Trip

I have to admit that the contest ' The Perfect Road Trip' on Indiblogger got me writing this. 

This trip brings back fond memories of those carefree days. A trip that 5 friends took without much planning, without knowing where to go. It also makes me feel bad about where each of us are today. 

We friends often met up at a little chaat shop on random weekends. In between the conversations we ended up making plans of various travels we all wanted to do together. These were lists made on tissue paper over numerous cups of coffee. Though most of those made it's way to the dustbin, one lived on. All that the list had was a date written on it  with 'Mysore Road' and a promise made to each other to stick to it no matter what.

Days rolled by and we got busy with our routines until that week. We were determined to keep up to our promises and left everything to go on our weekend away. It was my friend's husband's Alto that we took rolling on the Mysore Road - the new highway that was laid down to connect the two cities. 

The road trip started with a quick pit-stop at Bidadi for the famous 'Thatte idly'. We sat down and made a rough plan for the trip. We decided to head towards 'GopalaSwamy Betta', the hill that rises high, overlooking Bandipur. The overnight stay would be in Mysore, for Day 2 we planned to head towards KRS and then make our way back to Bangalore. 

Further down the road after a quick stop for 'Maddur Vada' we took a detour. One of us remembered hearing about a huge lake in a village some 20kms off the main highway. I still don't remember the name of the village or the lake.  It was nothing like what we had seen before. We drove up a little hillock to a huge bund, climbing a dozen steps up the bund was this lake with its pristine waters. At one end of it were many fishermen doing their work for the day. A couple of my friends who had no control on their taste buds went by to a little fisherman's hut to taste the catch telling us vegetarians what we are missing out - oh! you know that story.

Moving on we headed straight towards GopalaSwamy Betta with a quick stop for lunch mid-way. The Hill was much bigger than we expected, had a small temple with a few temple shops.... one of the most unadulterated places I have ever seen. We then went for a walk on the summit, breathtaking views of the Bandipur National Park, we were excited to watch the herd of elephants, lots of deer and a brilliant sunset. 

It was getting dark and we decided to head back to Mysore and find a place to stay. Without fussing about much we stayed at Dasaprakash. The night's dinner was at the Parklane Restaurant & Beer Bar which has a very unique decor...that of a garden or a forest with loads of plants and creepers around the tables. The most unique part was the way you call a waiter - there was a switch hanging in the centre of the table to light a lamp at the top of the table informing the waiter. Pretty much like how you call the air stewardess on a aircraft. 

We made our way back to the hotel seeing the well lit Mysore Palace. We called it a night by playing a few card games. 

The next started early, after a tasty serving of good old South Indian breakfast we headed towards KRS. None of us wanted to do the usual dam visit and the Brindavan gardens with its truck loads of tourists. Instead we took another detour and made our way to Blue Lagoon - where the reservoir is. We stopped by a tiny village where there was a Saturday market (Shanivara Santhe). While a couple of us bought some veggies, fruit and other random stuff, the guys stopped by the local booze shop.

We had to cross a farm land manned by this old grandpa who royally collected 50bucks per person to get past his land to reach the blue lagoon ( we were not too sure if this is what it was called).

Basically, this was the land that had surfaced up when the water was not too high. There was water all around as far as the eye can see and the view of the dam - the entire length of it which was a sight to remember. 

We played in the water, cooked food from the stuff we picked at the local market, had beer which was cooled on the river bed.

It was the most simple road trip we ever had. We had no idea where we were heading to and what we would see. We ended up going to places we had never heard before, eating at places we had never visited before and overall had the most refreshing breaks to beat the mundane routine. 

When things go Wrong....

Sometimes things come to you when you have least expected it. It does not bring you easy options too!

When things get tough, when you are going through perhaps one of the worst phases of your life everything seems to come to a standstill. Collecting yourself together to get through and be as normal as you can be is challenging. These are times when everything else takes a very low priority.

It's often said that talking your troubles to others would bring comfort. However, there are a few thoughts around it, do you want to tell someone something that's bothering you and trouble them too? And the other being it's painful to spread the problem and you might want to keep it with yourself.

Time is always said to heal almost everything. Easier said than done, but giving this time some 'Time' actually works. The intensity of the problem is surprisingly low on the 4th or the 5th day than Day 1!


Looking at alternatives, again, something that does not always work, but a deviation of whatever sort from the issue does some good for the otherwise bad day.

Being positive that things will get better for the good is perhaps one of the best ways to get by, the will to be that needs to be strong.

There's also the why me, why this, why now factors which pulls you back 2 steps when you have made an attempt to take 4 ahead.

All this said... It's faith in God that things will change that is the ultimate strength and we need to take each moment and carry on with an unaltered faith that 'HE' has something in store for you and that's how things work.