Have been thinking. May be a bit too much.

Ok. So let me face it, I have been quiet for over a month and have had a bloggers block ( calling myself a writer is something I am not ready to do yet). 

I have had thoughts on various things. Have been wanting to tell the stories of so many different tales running through my mind,  but have had my issues to translate those thoughts onto paper...well, electronic paper.

Off late I have been asking and prodding on about a 'what if' for almost everything I have laid my hands on. Though this is making me restless, far too much than what I can handle,it's given me an insight into what I am or where I am in my life today.

This year I told myself that if I have a chance to do something that I perceive as interesting I will do it. Work took me away to the faraway land of the USA ( funny I still think of the US as far away land). I jumped at the chance I got to visit the nearby sights - Sedona, the Grand Canyon and a weekend in Las Vegas....I wondered if I didn't have that tiny streak of just do it, would I have had the experience of travel? Would i have even taken the leap of what I do today - in terms of work and also personally. I might have been at one place doing the same thing.

I strongly believe that some incidents that happen to a person just dies with that person. I have been giving myself a hard time thinking about what if that sort of an incident never happened, would I have been a totally different person? I guess there is no right or wrong answer to it. I also know that there is no point in questioning, that there is no better feeling in thinking it through either...but can't help shutting it out.

Why do I have to be grounded to home and all things family? I give/am giving myself immense stress in keeping everyone happy and trying to bring peace for no fault of mine. What if I could put my foot down on one thing - could have kept one person totally happy and the other may be upset, but atleast I might have been sane knowing that I don't have to play this balancing act constantly, without anyone realising how much harm it's causing me...but will this happen....I don't see it in this lifetime knowing the type of person I am.

Sometimes I wonder if I could have been this simple girl who had no ambitions,no drive, no aspirations of going and getting something. What if I was just happy and content and in total peace being the girl who studied some degree, got married, had children, stayed home and looked after the family and was busy from morning to night in her world....would I have been all right with this? I am not so sure again. Though it seems like that perfect little world, I can't see myself enjoying it and being happy with it. 

You know, in spite of all the journey of thoughts, 'what if' dear God really knows me better than me and has planned all this out for me just for my own good? Is a beautiful note that settles me. That hope that no matter what the little brain thinks the greater person has thought the whole story through is an unbelievable feeling. It's like going to bed and sleeping just to wake up and see all's in place. 

Well, well, well.... so as you can see this mind of mine has been going all over the place. Some thoughts have been good, some positive, some totally crazy and some make me wonder whether I am normal anymore( I see myself smiling as I write this). 

However, when it comes to my blog I have stopped doing a 'what if' and plan to complete some experiences in the past few months that are sitting incomplete and put them up here pretty soon. 

Cure the Crisis

Little experiences in life add so much to the way you do and see things. One such event is what I want to talk about here. 

A few years ago I volunteered at this little charity which runs during Christmas for the homeless people - it was a small unknown place and I loved being a part of it for my time there. I remember it as being enjoyable, also a bit frustrating and very exhausting (I know....I am so bad). I thought a bout it as a nice thing to do and left it there. Though the thought crossed my mind that I could do more of this, I never got my act together. 

This Christmas I picked it up again. Having known that I have days off during the time and not much to do I decided to enrol myself with 'Crisis at Christmas' who are perhaps the biggest organization in all of Europe doing work around homelessness.

Not knowing what I really wanted to do, I put my name as a general volunteer. If you are a professional, you can also add yourself for Kitchen duties, IT Support, Medical Services and such others. A general volunteer could be doing anything from serving meals, to sitting at the information desk, to manning the entrances and exits, to keeping a check at the luggage lounge or the art and craft centre, the shower facilities and so on. 

A complete volunteer led group that it is, you could see some really amazing organization of tasks, duties, roles - everything just seemed to have run so smooth. Each of us had another volunteer paired with us for every activity, so it never really felt like you were in it alone. It gives you a chance to interact with all the other wonderful people who give up their personal time to do this and understand why they connect with it. It's inspiring to hear the story behind why they choose to do this, also interesting and perhaps  a reality check on how we are so engrossed in our lives that this experience is somewhat surreal. 

Crisis arranged an induction programme for first time volunteers to give us an idea of what to expect, the do's and don'ts and it was such a well planned presentation that I was already quite sure that the process would be smooth.

  

It's amazing to see professionals  - doctors, dentists, hair dressers, masseurs, advisers provide their services. 

The kitchen staff ensuring that the people (our guests as we learn to call) get proper meals - a hot plate of food. The shower rooms are kept ready so they can have a warm shower, the IT room is ready with computers for the people to have a little cyber space, the TV room and cinema is showing movies everyday, the art & craft room is open for the creative lot, sports rooms with table tennis, luggage room to store their belongings, tea & coffee all day long.

 

It was great to see the happiness when they had their hot shower and came out all fresh, the excitement to know that they can get a haircut or enjoy a full hot meal with a dessert. They were thrilled to know there was a masseur, Relieved to know they can leave their belongings overnight at a place where they don't have to worry about it being stolen.

These were things that are so inconceivable to the normal you and me. How often do we think whether we cannot have that simple hot shower or a meal a day or get a haircut and look presentable ? Perhaps Never?  

The worry that you have to carry everything that you possibly own always on you. Can't leave it anywhere....don't have a place to leave it. 

It's hard to imagine and live knowing that as the night falls and the crowds recede, the shops close, businesses end there is no place to go, that a new footpath, garden bench, parking lot needs to be searched for a place to retire for the night.

That very thought makes me count my blessings, that I am so lucky to have been born, raised and living a life where everything is kinda normal where my worries seem so small when compared to what some of these people have.

The List is Ready - Resolutions - 2014

I started this madness last year where I thought of making a part of my things to do for the year public - I felt accountable, responsible and it helped me keep a check at things, I am kinda pleased with the results and am taking the plunge again to publicly show off how big an idiot I am (yet again!) 

As crazy is it may seem I am publishing this again.  My list for 2014 is ready and this is it! I have taken it easy on a few things - no hard set goals this time, I had to omit a few out as it's not entirely in my hands - dependency is a bad thing! and I have some items not published here and lets see how well I can keep up to that. 

I had to carry over a couple of items from last year and continue working on a few others  but have a longish list of new items too. Exciting, Driven and still a little scared about a few of them - Let's see...only  time will tell. 

Here we go....

Make a Daily Habit  - I must say I do keep up to it quite well, however, the past year saw me going through a Love-Hate relationship with books - I want to change the status to a simple 'Like' and want to set aside at 30 minutes to an hour a day to read. I want to make sure I don't have gaps and would like to read everyday. 

Don't bank on the memory - Pick up the diary again. Don't write stories (as we know what happens after a couple of months), don't write only sad things (as we know we will never read them). Just pencil in a what happened that day and make a note if something nice or not so nice happened. Come on... that should not be so hard! 

Get out of the Comfort zone - I could rename this 'Conquer a Fear' - All this while I have either been driving people away from me or driving crazy those who stay. I want need to learn how to drive. Enough of laziness, enough of pushing things around, enough of escaping.  Need to learn how to drive - and this time in a correct methodical way.

Explore a Passion- Pick up the camera again and stop being (just) a smart phone photographer - I can't completely say I have discovered my passion but Photography is something I have enjoyed doing. I want to take this up as a project and work towards it. The actual project may take another year or two, but I want to start my work on it. At the end of this year, I should at least have the content, a plan, research done. 

Be Good with Food - I don't think I eat a lot of unhealthy food but definitely want to keep a check at what's going inside my body and not go too crazy with junk food. One thing I consciously need to act on is not to waste food. I tend to cook too much and the rest is not used or I buy too many things and have to throw them as they have expired - Need to stop this.  

Change a tad bit of the lifestyle - Wake up Early - something I have 'NEVER' managed to do. The past year was the worst, I slept late, woke up late and ended up at work really late on so many days of the week. I would like to wake up nice and early and have some time to eat my breakfast and not skip it. 7am is the aim now.... would love to make it 6:30!  (Currently it's between 8:00 - 8:30am). I would definitely do a lie in every now and then, but I'd want the majority of the days to be an early start. Let's see! This will be hard. 

Stay Connected -  I'll take the lesson from mom again 'You do your bit and don't expect the other to do the same for you'. I have realized that my happiness lies in being connected to the people I love - family & friends and I don't want to run into months of not staying in touch. I want to get through the year knowing that I stayed connected and not thinking that it's been 6 months and I don't have a clue.

(Try to) Give up something - I'm tempted to write no alcohol for 2 months again. But, I would say restrict - may be not have a drink every week. If I can skip a couple of weeks in every month I would think I've done well here. 

I want to add a second item - biting my nails :(  which has 'NEVER' happened until now.   

Need to stick to these: 

Stay Fit - Have enjoyed the gym from the past 3 months. I need to just keep at it and not quit. The Plan is to maintain the 3-times a week workout to stay the way I am if not better it. 

Do something for someone- Volunteering has been good but the 10K run was good too. I want to do another 10K this year and enroll in at least 3 different volunteer activities. 

Do something you like-  Write, Click and Travel - as fancy as they may sound, I would like to do more of all this and in a way they can be interconnected. Write at least 3 blog posts per month. Write all travelogues till date and the on the new travels (hopefully) I take. 

Keep the Faith/Keep the Culture- Two Festivals to celebrate  -need to really work on this one. 

Carrying Over from the Last Year:

Try something again- I want to grow plants and NOT kill them. My aim is to maintain atleast 5 pot plants which I hope will nourish under my care.

Better planning - this is a wide topic. To start with its planning holidays, planning for activities during the  weekend,  planning my time when I go home - If someone asks me what I did when I last visited home, I dont have much to say - I want to change that. 

That is it! So, I guess it's time to start working now. If you managed to get through till here, Thank you and Wish you a very Happy New Year. 

London Diaries - Time for a Cuppa - Yumchaa

Firstly, lets get this clear. Yumchaa is a chain of tea shops now sprouting up at many different places in London but this one I am talking about is a Yumchaa in Camden Lock overlooking the little food market and the canal and makes you feel like you have walked into one of those quaint little tea stalls tucked away in a little alley in a perfect little town.

Stepping into the rugged unfinished walls and decor just makes you ease out and feel relaxed that nothing around you including you needs to be in an orderly way. Just let go, sip tea and be with yourself. 

The selection of teas are remarkable. My post, many months ago on tea was the first one to take me into the world of different teas, but this took me to a whole new level.  

You can pick from black, green and white (never knew they existed). The tea leaves are places in little mugs which you can smell into and read through the description of what goes into the tea. 

I picked Wild Rose - the aroma of the rose petals with the earthy flavour of tea was just the thing I enjoyed. 

You get the rules of working through your tea (well.. nothing too strict) and get one of the prettiest tea pots to dive into the warmth.

The selection of cakes and the way they are displayed makes you wanna grab a bite. 

I've been there a few times now and would recommend as a stop over from walking around the otherwise busy Camden Market. 

Check Off the 2013 Bucket List

Overall, I would say 2013 was my worst year ever. The past year pulled me down every single time I tried to stand up. I was unbelievably rude, disconnected, alone and lost for most of it.  Trying too hard to please everyone and keep everyone happy, I have done no good to being sane and happy with what I really want.  Juggling away too many things, I don't think I gave justice to anything which needed it's due. 

In a way, I am happy that the worst is done and it's time for better days. Revisiting lists is good and striking things off the list is better. 

About a year ago, I had made these plans for 2013, it's unbelievable how this  year has gone by and we have set foot in a new one. I'd like to take a re-look at this, publishing it here did help me get on with it - perhaps a little better than the other personal list I had for myself. So.. here we go... 

• Try something again- I want to grow plants and NOT kill them. My aim is to maintain atleast 5 pot plants which I hope will nourish under my care. This was a Non-Starter. Though the thought crossed my mind a few times through the year, I actually did nothing about it. A FAIL. 

• Stay Fit- I still detest going to the gym, however the weather being cold I have stopped doing my runs too. The aim is to do some kind of exercise at least 2 times in the week ( tempted to say 3, but thats the start of things going downhill).  I haven't felt this fit ever before in my life. The ME TIME was used well.  I'd like to give this a yellow as this isn't a destination and it would always be a work in progress 

• Better planning - this is a wide topic. To start with its planning holidays, planning for activities during the  weekend,  planning my time when I go home- If someone asks me what I did when I last visited home, I dont have much to say - I want to change that.  A complete FAIL. The one holiday we took was a super bad plan and the fact that I had 8 days left of leave with nothing to do at the end of the year sums up this item on my list. 

• Learn something New - I want to learn how to play a musical instrument. The plan is to learn how to play 5 known tunes on it.  Did manage to learn 3.5 tunes on the Flute - still loving the instrument but a long long way to go. 

• Do something for someone - Run a 10K -at least 1 for a charity. Managed a 10K for Race for Life Charity with 3 other friends and raised close to £300 for the cancer research. (Very Pleased). Also managed a day at Crisis for homeless people -What an experience. Hope to do more. 

• Do something you like- Write more- at least 2 blogs per month.  One of the most enjoyable things I have managed this year. Again, would like to keep it going. 

• Get out of the comfort zone - The Journal - This is a little project I took on myself last year but left it mid way ( like most other things). It's my collection of notes about life and living in London- need to atleast complete 10 chapters this year. Changed the plan a little bit, instead of keeping it all too serious, I took the route of writing up my London Diaries - It's going OK, nothing special

• Keep the Faith - Visit Subramanya - my most favourite temple on Earth and haven't visited it in more than 5 years. I hope I can manage a visit this time. Yes! Thank you dear God (and mom & dad and bro) for making this happen. 

• Keep the Culture - Celebrate at least 2 festivals this year in a simple way.  Can't really strike it out as the only one I did was Ganesha habba. Would have loved to celebrate Diwali, but was painting the house instead. 

• Set a goal - 100kms in 100days - let's see! - Yes! a big strike off and I am now doing 50km every month in running. Will take it easy on this one in the coming year. 

• Give up something - Alcohol free Month - 2 months....come on that shouldn't be hard!  - Yes! February and September (ok ok.. the shortest months!) - But, the detox was good :)

Now it's time to make a new list and I am so looking forward to it in all it's grand silliness. It does help to keep me look forward to something and I get a sense of responsibility by publishing it here. Well, I'm glad you're over 2013, you weren't really my best. 

Come Full Circle

I guess the long aimless walk is all I wanted to get me penning down a few lines which I have been itching to do in the past few days.  My eyes are still tired....for a fact, I have been staring at my laptop screen non-stop for a good part of the past week. 

I have to start this one with the quote I had read and favourited. Sometime ago, may be a year now,  was when I was feeling down. Nothing seemed to cheer me up, I could not have what I wanted and on most occasions I did not know what I needed. This feeling of 'low' stayed with me for a long long time. I had messed up way too many things, I was losing too many good friends - some for my own fault, some for the circumstances, some because they probably decided I was not good enough for them and some more for they got so busy and pre-occupied in their lives that they just forgot that someone like me existed. 

I had decided then that I am going to keep myself occupied with things...simple as it may be, silly as it may sound but I would have a list of things to do, things not to do and I would stick to that and get so drowned in it that I don't feel as low. 

I can't say I have been entirely successful at this- there are many many times when I miss my friends, miss the company, feel low, down and depressed but the feeling stays for a while and goes away and I go back to my list. The 'peaks' and 'troughs' exist in my life as much as the sun and the moon do, as much as summer and winter does. It's become a part of me. 

It's been a while now, at least a good year and I have had those 'ups' and 'downs' but now as this year closes down I am back at being slightly on the low but holding up just so I can wait for the peak to happen. 

As the year has gone passed there's one thing that I have noticed... I love to have company - be it in new people I meet, old friends, cousins, family, new friends -that is one of the key things I need in life to move on. But I have also realized that all this cannot be wished for as the other person needs to wish the same and as much as I yearn for that togetherness, I can't have it. 

I am learning to be 'ok' with my own company and there are times when I am so comfortable at it that it is worrying.... it's worrying me a lot. I don't want to be this way, but it's just turning out this way...

Just like how all this I have scribbled so far is not making sense, this thought of what I enjoy  - 'the being together' and what I am doing  - 'the being with myself' , the contradiction that it brings is making me go slightly insane.....but, I am positively waiting for the 'peak' again - this time it's been a while since it has met me. 

London Diaries - Market Hop - Camden Town

Camden Town is perhaps that one place I have frequented the most in London, so much that if I have missed going there for a while it's like withdrawal symptoms that takes me back. 

I firmly believe that I would have been a hippie if not for the 'normal' sort of family and upbringing I had. I am so much a hippie in my way of thinking, what I like and enjoy and I most definitely feel that we all have a bit of that in ourselves. Too bad if you don't. 

Something about the place makes me go back every time. There's always this unexplored part, a new pop-up stall, a new musician that gives me the push that there is a new place to see and a new thing to do in Camden. In fact I am happy re-visiting the same parts again and again if not for the new. 

I can't speak for everyone, but I can say for sure that I have always enjoyed going out window shopping. In fact, more than buying something, I like walking through shops, market stalls, browsing the various items on display. I enjoy the crowded market areas bustling with life. I don't end up getting a lot of things, which is good, as it would purely be impulse shopping and most of the stuff are not really needed. But it puts me to wonder the extent that a cottage industry can go. 

The Camden Market is not just a street market. 'Camden Town' is a huge market place in itself. Camden brings me closest to the 'life of a hippie' fantasy that I have. It's a place with little shops of all kinds, handicrafts from different parts of the world, home grown small businesses selling all kinds of little trinkets, clothes which you don't usually see in high street shops, food and drink of all kinds, a  juice bar on a barge, a little cafe under the staircase and organic this and that food. 

The main highlight of course is the part of the Regent's canal (Grand Union Canal) that cuts through Camden. The Camden Lock being that point where you can see many narrow boats making their way across the canal by operating the locks. It's amazing how the mechanics of this system was designed years before anything was a part of the modern world. 

The banks of the canal are great to hang out...relishing the market food or just sipping a drink or reading a book. The best thing about Camden Market is that it has a bit of everything in every part of it - Food, Drink Stalls, Clothing, Trinkets, paintings, art work, old antique items, goods made by reusing other things - it's the biggest flea market I have ever seen with a huge variety of all things. 

I remember just walking along the little rows of shops getting completely lost in them and suddenly there I see a cafe, once I have had my fill of caffeine I have another set of shops lined up - you can spend all day here! 

And it's not a market where you hear a lot of noise instead something you constantly hear from one side of camden to another is Music  - whether it's Bob Marley playing or John Lennon or hip-hop or rock, or the classics to the reggae beats there is constantly some music you hear and it seems to perfectly fit the setting of the shops. So very unique!

When in London a visit to Camden Town is a must, either during the day to browse through the market or for an evening meal or to experience the night life - This is one place not on the tour bus that circles around London. Go find the hippie in you... Camden is waiting!