The burden of not being ambitious

Coming across as a "not so ambitious person" in this super competitive world kind of sucks. Sorry for the use of such language, perhaps for the first time on this blog, but, the reality is.. it does. 

What's the career path like? Is there one in the first place? Where do I want to see myself in 2 years time? I seriously have no answers for any of this. But, if you ask me, this is how I have been for as long as I remember. I simply don't think about these things, I don't have a clue in hell where I'm headed, I have made no plans what so ever to see where I want/ need to be. Don't ask me about 2 years, I wish I could tell you where I would be in 2 months time.

Oh! Let's put the whole career &  professional life aside and lets just talk about plain simple day to day life alright. 

Do I want a big house to live in? Do I want the best of everything? What about my vacation plans?  Have i gotta plan about how I am going to be the host to many a family? Have I thought of all this or aspired for it? Not sure is the answer. Really?  As unreal, as untrue as it may sound, I don't have these big plans made and filed away, all I have is the routine of day to day life and the joy of day turning into night. Taking it one day at a time is the mantra and I am the preacher of it.   Hmmm ....did I say the joy of day turning into night ? 

Well, I notice that I have been mocked directly or between the lines about being so boringly mundane about everything I do. I did have to spare a thought about it and hence this post.

I wondered and questioned whether I really am this uninterested, un ambitious person and the answer is that I perhaps am. But reading a quote somewhere helped put everything in black & white very clearly! I was like, bang on! How true is that , why on earth couldn't I think of it and put it this way? 

         " Inspired by the fear of being average" 

Yes! That is what it is! I knew there had to be something to get me out of bed every morning. 

 However, I see that this fear for me is in the everyday things... Cooking, cleaning, hosting family and friends home or if it's a presentation , the preparation for a meeting that I put in at work. I want to & strive towards getting all the little things I get my hands on 'Right' , as 'right' as I can make it.

Unfortunately, these small things just don't matter or are not considered as being Ambitious or having a drive of any kind. Never mind about the minute life things that make up your day, you don't shout out that you wanna reach the moon then that's it! You are not much of anything in the eyes of one too many.

 Well getting a bit too philosophical, isn't it? I'll stop with this and carry on being what I am and doing what I do, if not anywhere, I'll at least get to the next day and if not for anyone, I'll be happy and pleased with myself! 

... My two cents on this...a rather weird feeling I keep going through.

I follow 'Foodism'

A very common Sunday of mine starts with a nice warming cup of coffee followed by a good south Indian breakfast - either a simple home made uppittu (Upma as it's known) or dosa or most likely a visit to SB, Saravana Bhavan has been our new friend for Sunday breakfasts, one that's almost a brunch. 

We just returned having had our fill on this grey-is-the-colour-of-the-day kinda Sunday. I have made myself another cup of tea - well, the weak type where the tea bag goes in with loads of hot water and a dash of milk which I shamefully call tea but is a lazy substitute for it. 

Well, I am that person who thinks about what I'm having for lunch and plan for dinner while sipping my morning cup of coffee. I am quite a foodie and off late I see that this is getting into more of an obsession. 

Today will be slightly different, with a tummy that's so full and a nagging ache in the back, it will be a day when I would give my kitchen and myself a rest (at least for the first half a day) and try to re-live the foodie moments on this page.  

I believe in eating at least one freshly cooked meal every day and that constantly motivates me to try something different. 

And the more home sick I get, the better is the food - in my humble opinion.  

My mind automatically travels to those days we went to 4th Block Jayanagar for no rhyme or reason but definitely returned with a tasty palate. 

So while I was pondering over the thoughts and memories, I thought my home-sickness had reached it's highest best when I clicked this pic - the joy of filling up the little containers of the masala-dabba which I termed 'South India in a box' defines my upbringing and deepens my roots and connects me with the food I cook. 

Home-Made is the bigger yearning than anything else. So I tried giving a go at quite a few things - the itch to get it done was huge and in all this I have enjoyed the journey. 

The Iyengar bakery craving is something that might never stop - when the simple masala toast and congress kadlekai  which is ideal with the afternoon tea made my mouth water, my kitchen ended up witnessing it. 

It's weird how my mind switches from I-have-to-eat-healthy-NO-MATTER-WHAT and I-don't-care-about-the-calories-IT-HAS-TO-BE-TASTY!  So, I see myself in making strange concoctions of a kind to fill me up  - some work, some don't.

The healthy being a carrot-ginger-Orange juice drink which I picked from the 'Joe and the Juice' bar which names this drink aptly 'Go-away-Doc'.  This coupled with cherry-tomato bruschetta went down a treat.

The unhealthy being my 2-cheese Macaroni which was a random craving on another day which had to answered.  Tried the mascarpone cheese which was a good creamy add to the nutty cheddar. 

A home-made (yes! I go again) guacamole for the nachos one evening as having the nachos served at All-bar-one was what my taste-buds demanded this weekend. 

 Though I have seen myself giving a try at cooking different cuisine, I am probably better and most comfortable in cooking Indian.And I can say that in the past month or so that my kitchen has made it's way to the 'Paratewali galli'. I am pretty much stuffing my chapati dough with whatever I get my hands on. Can you see that just to give the authentic 'Gobi Parata' a twist, I mixed brocolli to it? 

One of other paratas being this which is a food-blog I follow and enjoy!  

Retail Therapy these days is heading straight to the 'home' sections of any store and I am so excited to have picked a couple of utensils, some kind of kitchenware and of course a stop over at the groceries which sums up my shopping trip almost every single time. 

My most favourite shops have now become the food and grocery outlets - going to Tesco or M&S food gives me unspeakable joy while I spent a couple of hours at a cloth store and got completely bored and irritated. 

Lastly, some of the food blogs have made me drop everything I had got my hands at reading and if you happen to be someone who enjoys browsing through ForestFeast is highly recommended as it beautifully combines food, photography, writing and painting with the most key ingredient 'Simplicity'. Having given more than a recipe a try, it is my hot favourite now. 

I have no patience in waiting for my food to be photographed -my food travels from my pan to the plate and into my mouth with not enough time for this step called 'presentation', though some may say it's important, it's not high on my list at the moment - so pardon the crappy photos on this blog. 

Brand Averse

I remember this from childhood that we Indians have been crazy about Brands. Well, for a long long time in life I thought it was just us Indians. Again, I was so so wrong. It is now clear that the 'brand' craziness exists in most of the world. 

Whether you as an individual endorse it or not you are constantly surrounded by the brand favoritism that happens all around you. 

I guess the first time I became conscious of the existence of brands was back in school and it all started with whether one owned a pair of 'branded jeans' - a Lee, Wrangler or Levis became the claim to fame for every tom, dick and harry. I remember those those who didn't own this covering the waist of the jeans just so they did not reveal the non-existence of a label.

The next obvious one to follow was a pair of branded shoes. A Nike, Adidas or a Puma was such a cool thing to have for the teens however the parents didn't understand why and how a pair of shoes would cost as much as it did. 

The present world has taken the brand favour to a whole new level. 

It took me a while to digest the fact that a 'mulberry' handbag that was gifted to a friend had to be serviced every 6-months. A handbag that had to be serviced. Right! And to top that it came at a cost more than a round trip to India. 

As I sit to write this down on my couch in the living room I look all around me and see how little I possess things that have a label on it. I am NO Saint, I do pick things that are branded, but the reasons why I pick them are not because of the 'name tag' that came with it - it's more so because of the 'price tag' being it's worth. 

I do own a few things with big names but if I come to think of it. How can I hide the fact that I am still very much in love with my 'iPad' and my 'Canon' DSLR and did I mention the extra lens kit I have with it.  They were all gifts. 

A recent conversation led us into talking about this friend's wedding gown that would take 6 months to be made and is shipped from abroad. What was that was a common cry from all of us. However one of the other friends had to say how not fussy she is about wedding wear/occasion wear and would pick anything straight from the shop -of course like a sabyasachi or a neeta lulla. I had nothing more to say after that. 

Unfortunately, we seem to be judged by what we own, what we wear and what we are carrying. I look around me now, my photo frames are all collages made by me - some of our travels and the years gone by and the other a huge one of the wildlife pictures we clicked in Kenya. I have a painting made by Amma and all others are made by random street artists in different places.  The handicrafts are made by local artisans and were picked from street markets. 

Today, I don't have much to show, but I am content. Something about the source not having a 'label' makes me more happy and grounded. 

There's always a first time for everything

Sometimes, Only Sometimes I am in this state of mind where most things with respect to bitter-sweet life seems perfect. Hold on, I haven't got into the zen-mode yet, but in the past week or so I have noticed this calmness which I am so pleased and thankful about. I wanted to record this hoping that during those crazy turbulent times which by the way happens on the majority of the days in the year, I can read this note and remind myself that after every bad there will be good and after every storm, a calm. 

There is absolutely 'Nothing' happening in my life at the moment. The morning is taken over by mid-day and evening and night and it seems to be on a repeat mode without a shuffle. Well, I suppose you cannot shuffle night to day anyway. Things are 'Not' at it's best - work wise, personal life, plans in life and so on and so on. I have little or nothing to say about my previous day on my daily call to Amma. Days are rolling by at the speed of light and I dont seem to recollect what git me occupied in the past week. The uneventfulness of the situation is written all over and shouts a big 'absolutely nothing happened' to me when i try to remember the past weeks. Yet! There is a tranquility in me which is a rare rare thing. I always thought I just cannot sit quiet, stay calm, be at peace. I was convinced that I was born without the genes that makes one be that way. 

I am packing my days with little things that makes me happy and I am surprised to see these little things had never made it to my list of things that I enjoy. If I ever decide to spell them out, people would be sure that I have lost it and the signs I had shown before were true. Plain simple things are such joy and this has always been my takeaway from life. Who recollects a ponsy moment more than a down to earth one? Not me!

For the first time, I didn't panic for not having the flow to write. 3 weeks gone and not a word written didn't make me jump into writing for the sake of absence. I was perfectly at ease, I read many many blogs in this space of time and marvelled the way they were written. All the ones bookmarked are either simple personal blogs or food blogs. Some of them are amazing.....it's made me drop all the books I was reading trying to read. 

Looking forward to a good hindi movie is something I have done for ever. A couple of days after having watched the movie '2 states', the hubby brought it up all out of the blue in between a random conversation that the movie that we watched the past weekend was 'good'. His words ' I too had a lump in my throat in a couple of scenes ' just cracked it for me. I had a big grin...this was the moment when I could confirm that he is now a Hindi movie convert, from watching none at all to casually asking what's on the movies, to actually liking it and best of all looking forward to the next one. This is a huge success to the huge huge Bollywood buff in me.

Zumba! The latest thing that has gotten into me. Love the music, the dance, the attitude and most of all love the pain...you know the good sorta pain? That. I admit being a Miss.Two-Left-feet but have enjoyed these sessions immensely. I am also beginning to believe this is doing a better good to my body than just running which I am trying to sneak in at least 1-2 times a week. 

Beginning to care for the few pot plants that we have started to grow is another big surprise. I was sure that I must be some kind of an expert in killing plants, but these little ones have not only survived me for a couple of months, but are in full bloom. What joy!  Like I believed that the advert which said 'plants come to my home to die' was made just for me, beginning to believe I can change that. 

So...basically I am trying to collect Life's little moments and making it count. 4 days of leave now and for the first time again, I have plans...new ones, weird ones and it's all going to make this 'MeTime' completely worth it....Fingers Crossed. 

Empty Streets

A couple of weeks ago I made an overnight trip to Geneva for a client meeting. I had resigned myself to a trip that would include an evening of staying in the room and preparing for the next day's meeting, going through the documents received and clearing the inbox which was long due.  I had looked forward to a short stroll in the city either pre or post dinner to brush against the new place, new streets, new people that travel brings with it, something that I enjoy doing irrespective of where I go. 

Little did I know that my hotel was booked in a little town in France that was no where close to the city we are talking about (Geneva borders France and Switzerland). This place, Divonnes les bains in which most letters will be skipped if I plan to pronounce it was at the foot of the hills which overlooks the mightly Alps far on the other side of the spectrum. We drove many miles away from Geneva to reach this place and the closer we got to the destination, the absence of activity, of people seemed to take over the landscape. 

I checked into this hotel, well, studio apartment and from my little cold balcony I saw a pristine steam with trees and shrubs and a cute little bridge over it. How picturesque, How Europe! 

I didn't think much of it to be honest as I was happy to know I have wi-fi access which worked the first time I tried it! I got busy in my preparation for the meeting, I had 3 other documents in my inbox waiting for my attention. I also caught up with my colleague to discuss the plan of attack ( sometimes planning a pre-sales meeting makes me feel like planning for a win, No! a war...well, you know what I mean!). The colleague was pleasant but clearly disappointed that beer was served in a whiskey glass. Let me not discuss anything more of what his thoughts were or mine :) 

Yes! For a non-beer drinker that I usually am and for the German-beer-drinker that he is we both settled for beer in France which is so very wrong!

Having completed the 'work' for the evening, I decided to take a stroll in this little town...village? ...the place. 

A 2-minute stroll to the center of the town got me to a church facing a square and some weirdly random shops around - a boutique, a barber, a sushi restaurant and a shoe shop...

A little stroll from there gave options of a creperie, a patisserie - which got me convinced I was in France.

There also was this token Indian restaurant which I dared not to visit.

A few people - lets number - may be 10 in total were walking about minding their own business, in fact like as if they were in a hurry to catch a train or something. I wondered what was so 'busy' in this little place.

I was awing on the sight of the perfectly golden crowned, snow covered Alps at a distance and refrained clicking any pictures on my mobile as it would have done no justice to nature's beauty. 

I took a left here, a right turn there, walked straight ahead somewhere crossing random things. And just in the non-dramatic setting were things like this and that and the most surprising of all  - A Casino! 

Well... I thought the emptiness of the place, it's streets would make my stroll that evening an uneventful one... but the very fact makes me think today. 

I enjoyed the quiet of the place which in a way made me hear my innermost fears, dreams , those wants, the needs and the quiet serenity. I liked the silence, the solitude, the tone of nothing, the noise of peace but I also remembered how I can easily go mad without the chaos of day to day life. 

I can't help but term this place 'Beautifully Dead'.

Having a Business Mind - NOT!

Fruit Garden is a little shop near home which stocks Asian groceries, organic and health foods. Every time I wait at the till to pay for my shopping, I can't help but notice the different types of little bites - cookies, fudges, health bars, protein bars, nut bars and so on that this shop sticks and it always tempts me to try one. They are pretty expensive for what they are and this stops me from picking things up.

A really tiny piece called the 'Indian bar' caught my eye and it was full of goodness as it said on the board - dates, almonds, pistachios and cardamom all beaten up and mixed together - can't go wrong with that combination, can you?  This tiny bite was 70p which is a lot for what it was. I started my conversation about this to the shop keeper who is a pal now and he mentioned that it's a very fast seller and though expensive, it is really very tasty. Now, all my resistance in the past months was futile and I had to try it. 'No one can eat just one' doesn't apply only for pringles or lays you know. This bite was indeed quite tasty.  I also spoke to him that if I can make it, I would sell the same for 40p and jokingly chatted if he can stock my product - his quick answer being  that another Indian lady who frequents the shop had a similar idea and the taste was not quite the same when she tried it.
 

During my walk back home, I pondered on stopping by Tesco to buy these ingredients to make at home. But by the time I got home and started getting into the mundane evening chores my mind slowly drifted from the whole business idea - making some to stock it in the shop was a out of the question, I couldn't be asked to make some for myself!
 

A couple of years ago, a friend of mine and me did almost of week of research and looked into the paper work to start up a Indian chat stall in one of the markets in London. Well, a Saturday business where we can cook some simple one pot Indian meals and sell it. Though this idea came by for our love of markets, street food and cooking, the thought of starting something up on our own gave us the thrill.

 

Of course, by the end of the week when we went through the process steps that we need to go through to get a license, to the logistics issue, to not having a large kitchen and extra space in either of our homes to stock the pots, pans and groceries and to the final thought of giving up the precious Saturday did not look like it was worth the effort. Was it not easier to stop by one of those stalls, buy the food, sit under a tree or on the lawn, or by the river to rejoice the food?

 

There were many other small ideas that came and died a silent death with my I-don't-wanna-take-a-chance, it's-too-much-effort, the-returns-aren't-really-that-good or in other words a 'I'll-stick-to-my-day-job-and-do-nothing-more' attitude that runs in me.

 

The hubby on the other end is quite an opposite.  Though he does have the ' it's-too-much-effort 'problem, he definitely does not have the other traits I have. In the past 6 years, I have noticed him speak and do things that I might not have imagined in my wildest dreams. That thought would have NEVER occurred to me. He too is busy with his day job of being a doctor which is far more tedious and time consuming than mine - so I will not hold him against not really starting anything but appreciate the fact that his passion towards it doesn't die as quickly as mine.

 

He mentioned recently out of frustration that he should have been born in a Gujju or Marwari family where everyone is up for doing something on their own. The people who surround him, in other words me and his dad of course lack that drive.

 

Someday, I wish I can come around to doing something than just making notes of what I could have possibly done, but for now I understand that I don't really have a 'Business Mind' whatsoever.

 

London Diaries - Green Spaces - Richmond Park

This post is a bit outdated or perhaps I should call it 'Not in Season'.  The plan was to visit, click and write about Richmond Park  in the Autumn months where the landscape has the autumnal feel and colours to it and when it's  the rutting season of deer. So, in that aspect this post has been a bit delayed as we are in spring now. Nevertheless, here’s a note about the park and the deer that it’s known for.

Richmond Park is quite unique to the rest of the parks London has to offer.  It feels like you have gone a long way away from the city to this natural reserve, a forest area and that’s the best thing about it. You are very much in the city but so out of it too giving you the best of both worlds.

Our first visit to the park was on foot and we realized that we wouldn't get too far walking. One look at the map and the scale made us head right back. We made many trips after that day where we typically visited Richmond Park either as a destination for a drive in the evening or in the summer months where we can hire bikes to go around the park which by the way, is great fun. There are a few little trails that you can pick from and it does make a good day out.

Going on bikes is also perhaps the best way to spot the deer that the park houses.  It’s just amazing to be able to spot deer just steps away from you in their habitat while you can stop by and watch the scene.

It’s been a long standing plan to visit the park in the Autumn months to see the colour of the trees turn yellow and brown and also to see this rutting of deer which only happens in the autumn time. It pretty much has been a 5-year plan to be able to do that (you know those 5-year plans...like the ones we studied in school about the Indian constitution). Last Autumn we finally made it happen. 

We managed to do an early-ish visit on a weekend and had a lovely morning out.

We didn't really see the deer in a lot of action, but them camouflaged with the drying grass made a lovely sight. Here are a few clicks. It was one of those grey, dull, the-sky-is-going-to-fall-on-us-any-minute type of days, but we waited a fair bit to get some pictures. Unfortunately, there was no blue sky. Take a look....