Venting it Out

I know I shouldn't be writing today but I still am. I generally don't publish rants...but well...here I go...I have been following a couple of blogs where I have seen the 2 bloggers easily write about everything they are going through in life on a day to day basis....so easily they seem to pour out every happy occassion,every lonely moment and every sad day....I wish I could express as well as they do...

I cannot bring myself to say what I should be saying, what really is on my mind, I don't express what I should be expressing......to my parents, to my friends, to family and even to my husband .....this is as I have seen my worst weakness which has hurt me most than anything else.

I met a bunch of people today, none of whom I know anything about, but I generally had a good time...and my mind told me that this is what I needed. Now when I back in my solitude, I think is that what I really needed? It's like getting lost in the company of people who don't know you. Is it because it gives you the chance to be who you wanna be? Or just a. Perspective of it? It was a weird feeling when I thought back about the time spent.

I read a book recently in which the main character had a mental illness called the bipolar disorder - had never ever heard about it,had no clue that such a thing existed. It's a disorder where the subject is hyper active at times- does wonderful things, is most efficient in everything they do, and then they have times of depression, where nothing goes well. Hmm...I don't have to explain what a bipolar disorder is...one can get better information on the net about it. I just mentioned this to my hubby who is a doctor that I think I have mild case of this and he looked at me....gave a pause and said..yea! You have it!

My home back in India is undergoing renovation and every day when I talk to mom she tells me about the tensions that they are going through about this. I feel like such a bad daughter not being there and helping them out.

These may sound seriously odd.....may sound like tantrums...but I had to put this down....I had to let it go....I might do this more and more often to lighten me up. There is a unknown comfort in the fact that no one knows.....