Daddy Dearest

Dad and Mom, Appa and Amma are two people I have always wanted to write about but have never managed to. Today I try to pen a few thoughts about my dad, my dear appa, about what I think about him, what he means to me and show my affection for him. I often find it hard to express this to him, many a times I have sat in the same room as he is in thinking I should say it all but kept silent talking about every other thing. This is going to be a very feeble attempt to convey my thoughts, feelings in words. I wanted to make use of the day, Fathers day to remember him a little more than I always do. ( I do have had my issues with named days, will talk about that another day)

I resemble my dad and many people say so. Most people also say that the similarities end there and my personality goes completely by my mom. I silently agreed to it.

In the past few years that I have lived away from my parents and I have started thinking a lot more about them I reflect on how many things are common between dad and me, how similar I am to him. Now, this is not going to be about me, but about him, about those things in him that I would probably never tell him or anyone personally, like in a conversation.

Dad is one of the most caring people I have seen (apart from my grandfather). This trait in him does not come across to many as he remains aloof seeming a bit cut off or uninterested about anything happening. However, in time of need, when someone needs to stand, he is there. When the work is done and when all is well he silently disappears from the scene without leaving a trace that he was there.

He values his family more than many other things. I mean the extended family too. He never had any siblings but being brought up with cousins under one roof makes him think about them as one. He misses them, he misses the good old times he had with them through their childhood and cherishes the memories. Things have moved on and people have moved on, dad too has carried on with his, but somehow when he meets this bunch, he wants time to stand still and stay young again. This is how I feel when he talks about them, refers to them and does get a little disheartned about what relationships have come to when he meets them.

Dad's been heading a factory unit for years now. Though it's real hard work which strains him mentally and physically day after day, I think he is perfectly cut out for it. He is completely in his element when at work and I am sure it's one of the best jobs he could have had for his personality. A bank job, an office desk job would have bored him to death.

Dad finds it extremely hard to ask something of someone. He finds it really hard to take something, demand for something that is actually his own.... A lending hand that he is. Many mistake this as being really well off. Others take it for granted, some others also conclude that he should do it...after all let him pay, let him give.... Dad would never tell anyone about his hard times whether things are good, ok or bad....no one would ever know.

He has a few friends from college and childhood and not many more. He is in touch with most of them if not all...a typical man thing - wont try hard to stay in touch, when they do, it's great times.

In-spite of all, I somehow think that he is lonely in some way.

He loves me a lot, he misses me a lot and even though we speak for just a couple of mins when I call, I can sense the pride and joy he's had that his daughter had called him. I wish I never let him down in any way and would like to see him happy no matter what. I also hope he learns how to relax and take it easy....he's stubborn to even listen to it.

Most people think about their parents this way. I am no differrent. I love them, respect them and owe whatever I am today to them.

If there is someone who has stood by me and believed in my dreams and have fulfilled my little wishes ....it is Appa & Amma. My mom at least says a few words, expresses it...but dad....is silently there, watching me as I walk, as I grow and as I move on with my life.