A simple, uncomplicated, easy, blah blah..... far from it.

Well, just as I thought I was able to churn out blog posts pretty quickly, I've had a brief writer's block, a sudden loss of ideas, a pause. Nothing seemed relevant, concrete or complete enough to post here.

A lot of things are going through my little insignificant brain from the past few weeks and a lot is going on in my life too, oh! don't jump into conclusions - nothing too good nor bad but plain simple everyday life which I think has its own worth. 

While one part of me is feeling all tired and frustrated and sick of the boring busy routine I have for myself, the other side of me is trying to be all positive and peppy reminding me that I don't own all of life's problems and that I need to learn to be happy and content with what I have and not. Yeah Yeah... I do get philosophical in my mind at times. 

Somehow in all that I am consumed with in my current life, memories are taking over most of my time and thoughts, leaving me with cackling laughter, a wide smile , an odd tear.  I can't get by most of the day to day tasks without thinking about how it used to be or without reflecting on what I had done a few years ago on the same occasion. It's about remembering the loved ones I have left behind far far away from where I am today. Nostalgia seems to be taking complete control over me and my activities.

More so in these months of festivals. The urge to do things, to connect the current life to the past years is huge. To weave in what roots I carry to the modern, western way of living. There is a sense of carrying on by myself towards  what I need to achieve, how I need to live, what I need to do, however with the consciousness of making this journey with those that matter to me.

I'd love to tell my loved ones back home what they mean to me. I'd like to remind them not to forget me. I'd like to let them know I think of them all the time. I'd like to say that without the memories knitted with them I cannot progress today...that's how dependent I am on it. 

However, can I bring myself to saying it? do I actually say it? No, I don't.  Communication, Conversation, speaking my mind, showing my feelings is something I never thought I'd struggle with so much. So much that I hate what I end up doing, just bottling it within. Keeping mum!

Call this post a vent, call this a cry, it's actually neither. It's just the haphazardness of a complex thinking mind that's made it's way on paper. It's a pretty weird feeling I am living with in the past few months. It's amazing how a fairly sane routine too can kill you. 

I know I am trying, learning, failing, being happy, being sad, being confused, being angry all at the same time and getting all too over-sentimental about everyday life. And I know that a bit of randomness in a blog post won't hurt and you won't mind it.