The Rush

No, I am not talking about the movie 'Rush' which by the way I love. If you haven't watched it do so - it's brilliant, it's inspiring, it's sportsmanship at it's best. 

.....It was the end of November and I looked into the list of resolutions I made for 2014 in total panic. A month left and I have not been very good this year in keeping up the expectations I set for myself. I started with a total frenzy in order to get things moving with the list - bottom down, what are the easiest ones, which ones can I still save and what will have to move into the next year. 

A few days into December not much had changed but for the tone I have set for myself this year, total laziness, getting occupied with one thing and losing the bigger picture and most importantly a serial procrastinator that I have become. If I can say anything was consistent this year it was the habit of putting things off - shamelessly, irresponsibly and sometimes (I need to admit) intentionally.

I picked up 3 of the 8 unfinished books and looked forward to relax into it by reading it on my days off just to stand here today with another book added to the unfinished group, those which I started reading and dropped mid-way only to say that they were not interesting enough.  Yes! 9 is the number of unread books today. 

I have at least a dozen lists of various things left at different places at home and in the office - the list of things I need to prioritize and get through. Well, looks like I am getting better at making lists and not striking them off.  I have unfinished business cluttered all around me and I seem to be oblivious of it all. 

There was one thing I could rescue in my list - a plan to connect to family during a festival by sending hand written notes. I had planned that for Diwali and God knows when that came and went. So, New Year's was my time to get this sorted and I totally went all for it - so much that I ended up writing 2015 as the date on a few cards and only realized it after sealing the envelope. Well! I'm sure those who have that card and open it would have a chuckle and think of how me as a right idiot.

In all the madness I feel within me, the one thing I am genuinely trying hard at is to relax, have a sense of calm which was with me for a good part of this year but seem to have disappeared. 

Trying to calm the beast within me, now, 2 days left in the year and I know I cannot do much, but to hope for a another beginning, another good day, a better plan and no rush. 

And while I am attempting to relax I still think that 'Pankh Hote tho ud aati re' is the best tune on the flute and I am happily listening to this as I finish another lot of incomplete notes from my lil diary.