Daddy Dearest

Dad and Mom, Appa and Amma are two people I have always wanted to write about but have never managed to. Today I try to pen a few thoughts about my dad, my dear appa, about what I think about him, what he means to me and show my affection for him. I often find it hard to express this to him, many a times I have sat in the same room as he is in thinking I should say it all but kept silent talking about every other thing. This is going to be a very feeble attempt to convey my thoughts, feelings in words. I wanted to make use of the day, Fathers day to remember him a little more than I always do. ( I do have had my issues with named days, will talk about that another day)

I resemble my dad and many people say so. Most people also say that the similarities end there and my personality goes completely by my mom. I silently agreed to it.

In the past few years that I have lived away from my parents and I have started thinking a lot more about them I reflect on how many things are common between dad and me, how similar I am to him. Now, this is not going to be about me, but about him, about those things in him that I would probably never tell him or anyone personally, like in a conversation.

Dad is one of the most caring people I have seen (apart from my grandfather). This trait in him does not come across to many as he remains aloof seeming a bit cut off or uninterested about anything happening. However, in time of need, when someone needs to stand, he is there. When the work is done and when all is well he silently disappears from the scene without leaving a trace that he was there.

He values his family more than many other things. I mean the extended family too. He never had any siblings but being brought up with cousins under one roof makes him think about them as one. He misses them, he misses the good old times he had with them through their childhood and cherishes the memories. Things have moved on and people have moved on, dad too has carried on with his, but somehow when he meets this bunch, he wants time to stand still and stay young again. This is how I feel when he talks about them, refers to them and does get a little disheartned about what relationships have come to when he meets them.

Dad's been heading a factory unit for years now. Though it's real hard work which strains him mentally and physically day after day, I think he is perfectly cut out for it. He is completely in his element when at work and I am sure it's one of the best jobs he could have had for his personality. A bank job, an office desk job would have bored him to death.

Dad finds it extremely hard to ask something of someone. He finds it really hard to take something, demand for something that is actually his own.... A lending hand that he is. Many mistake this as being really well off. Others take it for granted, some others also conclude that he should do it...after all let him pay, let him give.... Dad would never tell anyone about his hard times whether things are good, ok or bad....no one would ever know.

He has a few friends from college and childhood and not many more. He is in touch with most of them if not all...a typical man thing - wont try hard to stay in touch, when they do, it's great times.

In-spite of all, I somehow think that he is lonely in some way.

He loves me a lot, he misses me a lot and even though we speak for just a couple of mins when I call, I can sense the pride and joy he's had that his daughter had called him. I wish I never let him down in any way and would like to see him happy no matter what. I also hope he learns how to relax and take it easy....he's stubborn to even listen to it.

Most people think about their parents this way. I am no differrent. I love them, respect them and owe whatever I am today to them.

If there is someone who has stood by me and believed in my dreams and have fulfilled my little wishes ....it is Appa & Amma. My mom at least says a few words, expresses it...but dad....is silently there, watching me as I walk, as I grow and as I move on with my life.

Bangalore Diaries

My mind is still fresh with the memories of my visit to home and home town. I sense a rush in me to complete this write up, I also sense the restlessness that I will not do justice in translating my thoughts to this blog. 

There is something about Bangalore (for me its specifically South Bangalore) that is hard to explain especially to someone who doesn't belong to it. They just don't get what the gaga is all about. 

Let's face it. It's not the best city on earth. It definitely does not score any points on the infrastructure aspect of it. It has too many people. It's become very expensive. The traffic is a mess and the weather isn't great anymore. In spite of all this there is a certain old world charm that stays hand in hand with the progress of modern day. 

I noticed myself noticing certain things that make a difference to me. Some of them are so simple, so silly that I was surprised that I was even bothering about it. This is what makes it home for me and makes the place unique. There are many memories etched in many different places  that makes me go back to it. 

Most of the main streets in Bangalore have huge trees on either sides of the road, the names of which I know not . It forms a beautiful canopy to the main, typically traffic clogged road. The tree lined streets for the residential areas blooming with May flowers form a pretty sight. Most houses have a coconut tree or two, the sky scape is filled with high flying coconut trees. In season, Mango trees everywhere are completely clad with fruit. 

As you step out in the hot summer sun, the majjige from Nandini diary cools you. Just as you think that the days are too hot and unbearable, the evening brings with it summer showers and makes the air pleasant like there was no heat.  The morning after the rains are the best, the air is fresh, all the trees having had their wash, the green looks greener.

Though, a big city, residential areas do have a community feel to it with most of the residents having lived there for 30+ years.

That street side vegetable vendor who saw me after ages enquired how Pune was, remembering that I worked there when I first had a job, something which is fading away from my own memory.  Makes me remember the other vegetable vendor who came to the same street every day at 4:30pm for 32years. If that seems long, the gentleman who brings butter and door delivers it every 3rd Sunday so my grandma can make ghee has been visiting us for 45years. 

I will have to write about Prakash who runs a little 'Masala Puri Gaadi', we overheard someone calling him this, years later we found out that his actual name was shivanna. Eating paani puris from him are so entertaining. He incorporates cricketing terms while he's serving the gol guppas one after the other. He usually serves it for 3-4 people at a time on a round robin basis and treats them as a team of players, actually batsmen. He throws in an extra piece in between and calls it a no ball. If while placing the puri on the plate, it breaks , he calls it a dead ball. If the puri is a huge one, he terms that a googly. Just after one plate is done, he asks if we are ready for another over and if we are done he declares us Out and calls out to the next team to play the new over. I cannot think of this happening anywhere else. 

It was the time of the year when then SSLC and PUC results were out. The newspaper was full of it. The talk from the maid, to the milkman was about someone who scored well, oasis with flying colours and their ambitions. It's that phase every child in India who's fortunate enough to get education goes through. So much is decided about your life at these two points.

There is a balance in life that most people do. I saw myself going for a walk in lalbagh, attending a wedding, visiting the temple for a puja, watching a movie, catching up with a friend at a coffee shop and going out to the pub all on the same day. The variety of activities that's thrown at you is so random.

I could perhaps go on and on about many things and each line will be out of sync with the others. What I feel about being in Bangalore and what I do there cannot happen anywhere else in the world and no matter how much I try, I can't express well enough in words. 

A Place called 4th Block Jayanagar

I recollect 4th block Jayanagar that was a huge part of my childhood to what it is today. It is very hard to explain what's so good about the place or why I think of it as a place close to my heart. Someone who's not from here will not get it. For me, it's not about exaggerating in flowery language what it is, when it comes to home and home bound memories, one tends to speak about it this way....

It was the closest shopping centre near home, school and the initial years of my college. We went there not just to shop for essentials, it was a place we decided to go for a walk, just coz it was evening and we decided to step out, just coz we had no other place to go, it was the most convenient option. 

4th block Jayanagar shows a little modern side to it when compared to the other markets nearby like Gandhi Bazaar or NR Colony. For some things Gandhi Bazaar is the best, but 4th block has its own unique answer to what can it offer.  I am going to 'Complex' and everyone could guess what the agenda would be like.It's more spread out and hence you need to plan your route.  Though you can find pretty much everything, my route around 4th block is accentuated by the many food and drink pit stops. 

As kids we had spent many afternoons and evenings playing at the little fountain area in the centre of the complex. The evening outing ended in getting an ice cream and pop corn. Our parents enjoying some delicious chaat.

As a little girl in school, I have frequented many visits to Collette's beauty parlour. The authentic chinese way of doing hair. Sitting in the waiting area flipping magazines with glossy pictures, I waited for my mom to get her eyebrows done or have a quick trim. 

Our special dinner evening was spent in the plain comfort of the Canton restaurant serving Chinese food, perhaps the place that got me liking the cuisine. We also frequented innumerable chaat shops, most of which have been replaced by other similar businesses or shut without a trace. 

The Nagasri book house is a must visit for me. The little conversation with the owner of the shop makes a world of difference to any other book shop. 

Sugarcane juice shop used to be one of the highlights, now replaced by Cane-o-la serving it in a smart way. 

A stop at the Shenoy stores for junk food, it's hard to leave this store without picking atleast one extra item which was not on your original list.

The dosa camp has died down now but stays in memory about the various varieties of dosa and the speed of service.  About two decades ago there used to be  a little chaat shop called Bharath Cafe, which happened to be one of my parents' favourite places,  his ragada patrice was the best.

Hot chips was the hot favourite when we were in college. Depending othe budget for the day we picked spring rolls or pav bhaji. The vegetable sandwich and tomato soup at cool joint was ultimate for a quick snack with friends.....of course we had to share it as we couldn't afford the whole sandwich. Having Mango milkshake at Ganesh juice centre never went amiss on a hot summer day.

The opening of Cafe Coffee Day gave us another reason to visit. How cool was it to have our own fancy coffee shop as an adda. We used to spend hours catching up with friends, friends of friends and have conversations about nothing in particular.

Kalmane Koffee with a coffee shop in conjunction to the Sankara Book shop added a whole new dimension to the coffee shop concept. His filter coffee was superb.

My notes on 4th block will not be complete without the mention of a few bakeries. JB bakery was by far the most popular for his freshly baked palya buns and vegetable puff. Janardhana Bakery remains my favourite mainly for his benne biscuit and nippattu. Vijaya bakery it heart of the complex, mainly frequented for the Japanese cake. 

There were atleast another dozen places which leaves a note down the memory lane.....Watching a random movie in Nanda theatre. Some authentic Iyengar food at Kadambam. Shopping for chic clothing at 'Show Off' and 'Come fall in love'. Getting fresh coffee powder at Aromatic. One stop shop for getting dressed up at the Bhavani Bangle store. Band Box dry cleaners to get a fresh look for the special clothing. The boring stop by at Balaji Medicals. First sights of the western wear and way at Adidas, Woodland, Wildcraft. A stroll around Aane Bande Road. For sundaes and treats at Icy Nicy. For engineering books at Book Paradise. Black forest Pastries at Sweet Chariot. The various butti Paani puri guys. The excitement of getting our photos developed at Vijaya Studio.

This was my old world at 4th block Complex. Today, with it's traffic, people, chaos the experience isn't the same, but the charm has not died. I am happy going there and most importantly it still feels like home. 

Alienation - Being Inhuman

As much as I think that all humans are the same, that we have a similar way of life, similar thoughts, wants, needs there are many stages in life that a person experiences isolation from another or a group. Most of the thoughts that run through my mind are those that I have seen in the Indian society - being conservative within but putting on a very modern outlook.

This is all in my opinion and may not be entirely correct for the reader in you. 

Making a person feel different is one thing and completely keeping a person isolated is another. My mind is a bit confused about what is worse and I have entangled thoughts about both.

Schools are one of the first places where one can experiencee the divide generally categorising students as the brilliant, the average and the dumb. The worst one is perhaps being 'above average'...You are not expected to do anything great, on the other hand you are not dropped out of activities as you're neither bad not good, its like constantly playing a second to someone who's better.Ain't a great place to be.

On a personal level, the worst I saw about grading and grouping people was with sports. The school never encouraged everyone to play any sport. They picked the ones with the talent and those who were guaranteed to bring them laurels. The rest of the lot never got a chance. I came over that and stopped expecting that I would be picked for any sport what so ever. I immersed myself in sport which did not need a team. My personality took a beating on the other hand.

Then there is the time about what course you pick for your university. The very intelligent pick science, the next best pick commerce and the rest of the lot pick arts or other courses. There was a clear discrimination of who's what just by what they chose to study. No wonder most parents only want their children to be doctors or engineers.

Landing with a job was the next big thing in the rat race. Did you get a job? Was it in campus or not? Are you still looking? Oh! Did you decide to do further studies just coz you didn't end up with a job? This was the shameful divide one had to live with.

Then its the step about getting married...those who do at the right age that the soceity perceives are good. The rest have to bear the brunt of not being pretty enough or intelligent enough,not having a good enough salary or even worse assumptions about something being wrong with them. Perhaps, the worst form of alienation an individual can go through.

There are perhaps a zillion other life events which follow....people who never marry, those who have broken marriages, those who choose to marry someone outside their caste, those who live away from their parents, those who leave the country, those who quit their job at the peak of their career to start their own...I don't want to put the entire list as its embarrassing....basically there's a straight line drawn about what life's events should be and any slight deviation from it is frowned upon, talked about and not entirely accepted. 

I'd love to see this change and who knows...there might already be one now. I had to put this down as in the years of my upbringing I have seen this around me in one way or the other and detested it all along. 

I hope we all understand that each of us is different and have had our own paths that no one else would have known of. Making one feel alienated is perhaps the worst way of killing the light within an individual. 

Bridging the Gap

I like bridges and this post is all about the why and where and the what about it. 

I admit it's a bit silly to be writing about 'these are a few of my favourite things', but here we go.

I have always been fascinated by bridges. Somewhere in all the travels around India I figured out my love for it....from simple pleasures of walking across a foot bridge to being on a train and hearing the rattling sound while crossing the bridges, to throwing a coin from the bridge to the river beneath,  there was something that excited me about the engineering marvel in every bridge.
Every person who has spent some good time with me and have been at a place where there was a bridge would know my craze for it.
I don't have many pictures of the bridges in India, a visit to Calcutta is pending and I wish for it some day to see the Howrah. But here are some of the others captured by me.

Bosphorous Bridge, Istanbul - The significance of this bridge is that it connects mainland Europe to mainland Asia. Yes. We don't want to talk about borders and countries and communities,but that's exactly what a bridge does - fills the gap!

 Pont Alexander III, Paris - Just like cakes can be decorated, this bridge reminds me of decoration - beautiful street lamps, the many sculptures on either ends; it's perhaps the most decorated bridges I have ever seen. It's a transforms completely when lit. 

 Rialto Bridge, Venice - One of the most picture perfect bridges It's just so cute...for the lack of a better word. It also has little shops on either sides - guess a very Italian way in constructing bridges in yesteryear.

 Tower Bridge, London - My note on this cannot do justice to how pretty this looks, both by day and night.   It's one of the most beautiful sights in this city and watching it go up is a sight in itself. Can't stop clicking pictures of this. 

 Ponte Vecchio, Florence - It may come across as a very dull bridge, but the beauty lies on either side of it while crossing it, a pedestrian bridge lined with jewellery shops. Very Unique. 

Palladian Bridge, Bath - The guide notes mentioned that there are only 3 such bridges in the world. 

Kapellbrücke /Chapel Bridge, Lucerne - A footbrige which has a diagonal twist along the river. It's also got many paintings all along the interiors and the row of flower basket makes it unique. Never seen anything like this before. 

I now wish I had clicked a picture of every other one I have visited and I am holding myself from putting up every bridge in London here. I do love crossing bridges and I wish there were such bridges between human hearts and minds. Everything would have been so simple. 

Book of Comparisons

Well! They say comparing things makes one unhappy which to a large extent is true. However, some comparisons does make you wonder a bit and laugh a bit.

Ever since I have been living in the western world I haven't stopped comparing how things are here to how things can be back home about general stuff I see and do here. I always thought of penning down what they were as soon as I had the thought crossing my mind, never actually managed to do that, I do recollect  a few things every now and then and hence the idea came in the form of this blog.

My list of comparisons ... 

About Houses/Homes - 

The first thing one can see as a stark difference to the residential layout here are the row houses, with every house looking the same on every street. You can however make out a rich area from a poor quite easily however the houses on one particular lane always resemble each other. That's something I have never seen in any town or city in India where a row of houses all looked alike. 

Back home, the dust bin(s) are usually kept at the backyard or near a wash area away from a visitor's eye. Here, the first thing that stands out to welcome you home are 3 big bins - black, brown and green. I still find it so frustrating to see the bin placed right at the entrance of the home - such an unpleasant sight! My mind refuses to take this in. 

About Motorways and Driving-

I'm not going to talk about roads back home as its distressing.  And it of course goes without saying that the roads here are amazing. Flat roads, straight roads, well marked (sometimes too many) sign boards and most people on the roads tend to do the right thing which is quite opposite to what it is back home. 

Some things I noticed - 

No matter where you are, in whatever nook and corner of this country, how tiny a road it is and where it's leading you to, there is a signboard to state the the name/number of the road and you can immediately trace that on a map. You never have the feeling of being lost without knowing the way out or way back. 

At home, maps are a thing unknown. However, no matter how lost one may feel, in most cases you see some small corner shop or typically a few men sitting on a sill by the road who you can approach to ask for directions. It's funny how you can always somehow find that random person sitting in the middle of nowhere who can give you an idea where you are on a long lost road. 

When you're driving and try to get in front of someone  (I can't use the word overtake as that does not happen the way we know it!), there is usually a sign you make either in to the mirror or by flashing the tail lights to gesture a thank you to the other car which let you in. How often do we see that back home? People just seem to be in a hurry to get someplace or more like I found some space so I got in - survival of the fittest right?

I also find that driving here can be quite boring - at least that is what the hubby says. He complains of feeling sleepy in spite of all the banter I provide on the drive! Basically, the roads here are so mundane that there is absolutely no drama going on. There are only signs of towns, cities that we pass by but you never cut across any. There are no quick street side shops, no chance of a cow or a buffalo coming along, no encounters with a vehicle in the opposite direction right in front of you when you least expect it and of course no road side quarrels.  Basically, you get to drive and drive fast. That's it.

About Food-

The whole concept about food is termed in 2 sections - hot food and cold food. Had never heard the latter before. A meal was always hot. Why would you spend money to buy something that has gone cold? 

It's also crazy that on days when it's rainy or cold, people are happy to grab a sandwich for lunch with a juice and a pack of crisps - I was in total grief when I had to do the same the first time!

On the other hand, it's amazing how this city caters to different tastes, name the cuisine and there's a place serving it and serving it well. I can't imagine getting authentic anything back home as we love our food so much that everything is Indianized. Goes without saying that I actually like them more. 

About Public Transport-

It's great to have a system where you don't have to think too much to get from one end of the city to another. Needless to talk about the Underground in London being one of the best. It's amazing how one can get from opposite ends of the city without any hassle what so ever. Back at home it requires you to keep a day aside if you are planning to get to the other end. No guarantee with traffic, road blocks or anything and there is little alternate transport to get you there.

The public transport is efficient but not exciting. You might be doing the same journey for years on the same train at the same time with the same people but you would have never had any conversation. People just don't chat with each other, there is no talk about who you are, where you are going, where you're coming from, what you do and all the random talk that happens on buses and trains back home. 

About Greetings-

One of the first greetings you hear from another is 'You're alright' - I am still not sure if this is what they say!? Well.. for someone who was used to a simple How are you,  this greeting used to catch me off guard as I wondered whether it was a question or a statement. Like... are you asking me if I am alright or do you think by looking at me that I look alright.  I have stood and grinned like I have nothing to say on many such occasions.

I generally ask the common one which is How are you? and the standard answer I receive is 'Not too bad'. Now, this one too used to make me wonder whether that means I am doing good or I could have been worse. I someone feel that not too bad is a negative response to saying I'm doing good. IMHO. 

About Weather-

I don't remember seeing the weather forecast ever! It was generally known that the summer months are hot, the winter months are chill i.e. a small cardigan during the early hours and late evenings were good enough and the monsoon months were pure rain, especially in the evenings. 

Now, I don't remember a day when I don't come across the weather forecast in some form or the other. While at home the weather can get from hot, hotter, hottest, here it can only get cold, colder, coldest. 

I don't consider people talking about weather all the time as a huge difference in ways as I know that people back home too discuss weather - however, the only difference being that they generally talk how hot it has become and people here tend to talk how shit the weather is. 

About Maps-

The west love their maps. Every City, Town, Public Transport, Park, Museum, Tourist attraction you go to has a beautifully printed map. It's amazing how my mind is now a complete convert. If I go somewhere and I don't have a map, it feels odd! 

However, the minute I set foot in India my mind completely switches off about the world of maps. Love the fact that directions can be based on a corner mango tree, a small shop, a post box, a broken down van or just about anything. And of course, miraculously you reach the destination without any issues. 

I now wish I had taken little notes of observations I made, I bet I will come up with more such things as I go along...I just find it interesting to observe people, place, lifestyles and I don't want to conclude that one is better than the other. It just happens to work the way it is!

A Tryst with Writing

Why do I blog? Never really thought about it until this day. Today when a friend mentioned that I blog for others and not for myself,  it got me thinking. My initial reaction was how wrong it was.....but I had to think about it before I concluded on it.  Another one said,I always blog about myself.....that was also something I thought about.....

Now, like most other things with respect to me...this too has many answers.

I started blogging as a past time when a friend introduced me to it. I started off as it was the cool thing to do. Like most things new, there is a certain thrill in carrying on with it. I always wrote a little diary, but a blog gave me a chance to write more general stuff...I started recording some thoughts, some memories, some happenings as I went along.

I then kept at it for the little circle of friends I made in this blog world. This was exciting... like writing and reading anothers work and discussing it without having met any of these people. We kept each other company giving that little appreciation, that little push when nothing was written. That went on for a while and died down.

There was a gap in writing too as other things happening in so called life took over and interested me more than writing some random notes and putting it out.

There was also those times when I got really concious of the fact that what I think and say is out in the open, in the WWW. I was consious of the fact that my english isn't flawless, vocabulary not always correct and the content either being sensitive or meaningless or incomplete.  

I'm back at it again since last year more than any other time and this time it's not for the push, not for the appreciation, not coz it's a cool thing to do, not coz someone asked me to. 

It's probably coz I have a lot of 'Me' time and I want to do something in it than sitting and thinking about all things that don't leave me anywhere. It's also coz I have always enjoyed writing and also reading my own blogs from time to time- a way of seeing how I have grown as a person and perhaps in a little way as a writer. I don't think I have a great memory and I realised it quite early....so I like to record as much detail as I can....most of it to myself...some for the virtual world.

I write today as I have the flow....I write coz not many read it...and probably I want to be noted in a world where I am not known to anyone personally but as someone with many different views of life and it's ways....I write coz it brings me joy.  

I also write about myself .....firstly coz that's a endless topic, secondly coz I don't know enough detail about many other things in life to write about and thirdly coz if I don't write about myself....who will?