A Soliloquy

In spite of the fear of you thinking I am MAD, I'd say that I am always talking to myself, at least in my mind. I have conversations of all sorts running through all the time. There are many things running in parallel in my mind (don't know whether it's good or bad), however I am also very much in the present to understand and interpret the state of activities in my own lil way. My hubby termed me agile; today I think that description for me fits really well. 

These are my random musings and have no order, no context of any kind and can also end abruptly.

I happen to start writing this in a completely empty office (you know how it is during Christmas), with not much to do, no one to talk to....As they say,an idle mind is a devil's workshop. You can see what's churning in my workshop here. 

I have CricInfo on one of the tabs, Ind vs Pak, the 2nd T20. Well! there is no denying it. I enjoy Cricket when (and only when) India is playing. I also believe that if my dad watches the game, we lose! For a quick example, it happened 2 days ago! 

I have been going through random blogs of various people (unknown to me!) and it never ceases to amaze how well people can write! I wonder why my mom believed that I could be a journalist some day (Oh well, you know how mum's are...God Bless!)

Having holidays are never like the way it is back home. The sense of having to do 'nothing' does not exist in me anymore. Something I tend to feel every weekend!

I use way too many!!! In my sentences

I wanna learn how to play a musical instrument. Patience is what is needed. I haven't told anyone yet (but decided to put it on the web!) that I wanna buy a ukulele and learn how to play - let's see how long this will last. 

I tend to be comfortable cooking North Indian food than South Indian - how I wish I had my ajji's culinary skills to do so.

I very badly want to update my Photo Blog today, in fact right now as I have left the poor thing hanging for too long!

All this peace and quiet is something I DON'T enjoy. I am totally at home in a crowded market.

The flow of thoughts always has 2 categories, something I like and something I don't. Some things that frustrate me and some that makes me smile...so, here we go...

A few irritating things on my mind:- The fuse in our apartment block has gone out and we had no power this morning. It is almost impossible to carry on doing the basic things in life without electricity in the Western World)- There's no idea of when they can send out a guy to fix it. - I am waiting for the phone to ring, or a text, an email which can ask me to go back home any minute!- It's cold, dark and rainy ( I think I should keep this text handy, so I can copy paste it any other day!)- I am having Porridge (you read it right!) for lunch #yuck

A few happy things on my mind:- Spoke to my bro who is soon going to be buying a car! (Wow... my lil thamma ain't little anymore)- Dad is going to be 60 this March and bro and me chatted about it.- The banana bread I baked yesterday wasn't too bad.- Though I feel shit on most days, I do have my moments where I enjoy the #simplethingsinlife - like just be happy for another day.- Spoke to a couple of friends, how time flies without having spoken a word for so long. The GAP however hadn't widened...God Bless them!- I am going to end this blog - I haven't re-read it, I haven't taken a break or had a think in writing this     ---- Free Flow Salt - is that good? I heard it's rocky salt is!

I am planning to stop this stupidity now however will publish the foolishness..... See I told you....all the quiet in the world doesn't do good to me.

December Diaries

I have left my blog hanging on my previous post for too long. It has dawned on me that no matter what rubbish comes to my mind, when I feel like putting it down... I should! At the end of the day I write for myself. 

Well... Another year comes to an end and I thought let me pen down a few notes to wrap up this year.

Written Dreams - I re-started writing my diary this year. I haven't kept up to it as much as I wanted to, but have been my best attempts so far. It has been comforting and in a little way fulfilling to be able to put the thoughts in black and white. It's like having a friend who can listen to you without being judgmental  I have been writing a lot more and have not been too restrictive with my thoughts. Whether it's a note in the diary, a few scribbles on thoughts, random notes, blog...it's been good.   I would call this a Win.

Being Miserable - I guess this year more than any other in my past life has been the most painful in many aspects. Though I have tried to pull myself together, I have not been successful. If I look back I feel for more than half this year I have remained unhappy, worried, tensed, broken about something or the other. Some aspects of it were not in my control and hence I can easily put the blame and say it was not me. Some others where I have screwed it up big time and there was the repentance that I could have done better. Some others were of being helpless, being far away, being not able to do anything even when you so want to. Some other aspects have been just the day to day features of the big word called Life. I am happy for a couple of days but something envelops me and clouds my state of mind the third...and there is not much I have been able to do. This is a definite Fail!

The Chef in Me - Well... I have enjoyed cooking ever since I have been doing it, never denied that. Of course I have and will mention again that I detest cleaning which follows. Having said that I guess I have learnt a few new tricks, a few easy treats to put food on the table. Unfortunately, I have not clicked a single pic of anything I have prepared and this is something I plan to change in the next year. So what if people back home make a fuss about NRIs clicking pics of what they cook. I don't care and for the joy of cooking and photography I will change this!.

A Book in my Bag - I have made it a point to carry a book where ever I go irrespective of how near or far the journey is. I have been actively reading a book or two throughout this year... which is a change, coz I always used to be bogged down by just one book and was adamant to finish it before I start something new! The huge change I saw is that I don't force a book down if I don't like it....well! Almost there... but getting better at it. 

Leaving a Trail behind - Travel is something I have enjoyed immensely. I thank God for keeping this component of my life active and going good. I got the chance to travel to a couple of new countries - my first time in a Eastern European country was most special. The hubby and I managed 3 holidays in addition to the 2 visits to India. The 3 holidays have been totally different to anything we have done. The first holiday...let’s face it, a disaster to an extent that we wondered why we even took the trip, no more comments about it. The second was to rejuvenate us from the bad phase we had just been through, we welcomed the break. The third was a real holiday, we explored, we faced issues on the trip, and we understood and supported our differences. Work travel has not been extensive; however, it used to come all in a one go which made me crib about it more often than not. Overall, when I look back, I enjoyed it. 

On the Run - Something I started doing this year was going out for a run. Initially, this started as a way to avoid gym. It also started as a way of training towards a couple of 10K which I intended to do and the third was the thought of being in shape and staying fit. The initial few runs were a total misery, however after a few days I started enjoying myself feeling good about going out for a run. I wanted to go for it and that was a great change. I missed it when I didn't do it and I am pleased for myself for discovering something I enjoy doing.

Staying in touch - I make it a point to connect, contact and stay in touch with all near and dear to me irrespective of the fact of what I receive. I need to thank my mother for this. She has often said, just because someone acts funny or silly with us, it isn't done that we act the same. (Though many people think of letting go, I don't want to follow that rule). I must say that not everyone I think is important to me thinks the same of me, Not everyone who I think I need in my life wants me in theirs. Nevertheless, I know who I value in my life and will do anything I can, not to lose them.  

I have many more things to add to this unending list, but the idea was to key in some main ones and hence I draw the strings to this. Hope to be better the next year! 

Venting it Out

I know I shouldn't be writing today but I still am. I generally don't publish rants...but well...here I go...I have been following a couple of blogs where I have seen the 2 bloggers easily write about everything they are going through in life on a day to day basis....so easily they seem to pour out every happy occassion,every lonely moment and every sad day....I wish I could express as well as they do...

I cannot bring myself to say what I should be saying, what really is on my mind, I don't express what I should be expressing......to my parents, to my friends, to family and even to my husband .....this is as I have seen my worst weakness which has hurt me most than anything else.

I met a bunch of people today, none of whom I know anything about, but I generally had a good time...and my mind told me that this is what I needed. Now when I back in my solitude, I think is that what I really needed? It's like getting lost in the company of people who don't know you. Is it because it gives you the chance to be who you wanna be? Or just a. Perspective of it? It was a weird feeling when I thought back about the time spent.

I read a book recently in which the main character had a mental illness called the bipolar disorder - had never ever heard about it,had no clue that such a thing existed. It's a disorder where the subject is hyper active at times- does wonderful things, is most efficient in everything they do, and then they have times of depression, where nothing goes well. Hmm...I don't have to explain what a bipolar disorder is...one can get better information on the net about it. I just mentioned this to my hubby who is a doctor that I think I have mild case of this and he looked at me....gave a pause and said..yea! You have it!

My home back in India is undergoing renovation and every day when I talk to mom she tells me about the tensions that they are going through about this. I feel like such a bad daughter not being there and helping them out.

These may sound seriously odd.....may sound like tantrums...but I had to put this down....I had to let it go....I might do this more and more often to lighten me up. There is a unknown comfort in the fact that no one knows.....

My Virtual World

I have been putting off writing about this for a while now, just coz I didn't feel like publishing how big a saddo I am!In this day and age a lot of the human population stay connected in various ways to the online world, similarly, I saw myself doing the same. I was considering the list of applications that I use for various purposes and thought of writing about it....


It is such a boring topic, but as one can see I have lost my flow again!!! My virtual world (as of now) consists of the following:

Gmail/Gtalk - I have been using gmail ever since it's conception and have totally loved it! Gtalk - comes within and is great to have a quick chat (if someone wants to!)

Blogger - I have been on this for a while now and was introduced to this by a pal. High maintenance!!, but if I feel like penning down something it's great to do so. I also like the thought of putting up something which I can go back and look at whenever, wherever.  I enjoy reading others blogs, wish I had some good Html skills to add links to my blog page.

Evernote - I mainly started using this to maintain my diary ( of course after having tried paper diaries, notebooks, calendar style pads), this is one which has worked best for me. I also started taking random notes, made points, wrote quotes which I came across in this app.

Twitter - I have already blogged about my twitter bug. It's great as you don't need to think too much, you don't need to be correct about anything, it's a glorified scribble pad for me. Though, the app is used by many for professional and informative purposes.

Facebook - Needs no introduction. I see myself drifting away from it...but I'm back on it!

Viber/Skype - Internet calls/messages - no cost - don't have many connected on it but it works well!

Goodreads - A friend of mine introduced me to this. My first impression was that this is a place where I can read any book - wrong! It's a place where I can track what I read, add friends and get an idea about what they read. The best section is that the app recommends books based on what you have read or by genre - awesome! I can't think of a better way to look for books to read.

Dhingana - Brilliant app to listen to hindi songs - the latest & greatest included. I have found that it does not have everything that you may want, but has a pretty decent library of songs.

Needless to say, I am hooked to Google for everything I want to look up. If I need a quick info about something I go to Wikipedia. I was tempted to write iBooks, but I still struggle to read books on iPad or a device, love the fact of holding a book.

I also have a host of other sites and apps I frequent, I am sparing myself the task of penning down everything and bore myself and you to death!

Frustration - Unspoken Conversations!

I wish I was not such a private person. Of course for people who think they know me, I come across as a cheerful, lively soul who is chatty and talkitive, enjoying the company of family and friends all of which is true. However every person seems to have their other side and that for me is the person who struggles to
talk what is enveloping her mind every passing minute.

Yes! I have problems talking things out. I come really close to saying it, I would have weaved a story in my mind about how I am going to start, go through and end the conversation. I would have also thought of the 'right time' to make certain conversations - to say things, I also might have a Plan B and C if this time and circumstance does not work but the bottom line is 'I never say it out'.

It has come to a stage where I am frustrated almost every other day thinking what a failure I am!

Why is it so hard to speak?? Why is it so hard to open up? I am talking about opening up to people who are close to me, people who mean a lot to me.

My PhotoBlog - http://17myclicks.blogspot.com

Finally! I have created my photoblog.


I have always been interested in photography ( if I have to give a simple term -clicking pics, viewing pics and collecting pictures). However, the first time it took shape was about a decade ago when I got my first ever digital camera. It was a basic model of Nikon and I was the happiest with it clicking away pics of places I visit and almost anything I could see. In kannada there is a saying called manganige manikya bandha hage (which means that the monkey has discovered a gem)....which was true for me.


I started blogging around 2005 and wanted to have another one only for pictures and one for music (which did take shape here - but you will see that it is not updated as it was hard to maintain two).


I thank my parents for always encouraging me to be doing what I like, I thank my friends who backed me with anything I did (though some of my articles and photos were really not that good), I thank my husband for gifting me my second camera and first set of lens though he knew I wasn't going to be some great photographer.


I have been lucky to go places and I have tried to capture this in my own way to show what I see and how I see it.

http://17myclicks.blogspot.com is up!!!


I hope those of you who visit will enjoy what's on it.

A Beautiful Proposal

'Name a song that is your favourite' - That's quite a hard thing to do for most of us. The first thing one might say is 'It's hard to pick one, I have so many favourites'.

It's not any different with me, though; if I am really pushed to give an answer it's got to be either Rhim Jhim gire saawan (which I have blogged about before) or O mere dil ke chein (which I will be blogging about now).

I know what you are thinking - 2 songs! That’s not fair. Come on, I can have a choice of 2 amongst 1000s that are good. I like this song for the usual things - the music, the lyrics, the tune, the picturization and of course Kishore Kumar.

The song is where a boy asks the girl to be his for the rest of his life. The simplicity of the song is brought out in the lyrics which are more like the boy making a conversation with the love of his life asking her not to be scared, asking her to hold his hand and telling her that she means the world to him.

All this sounds a bit too cheesy isn't it, but honestly... that's what the song is all about and that's what makes it beautiful.

In its picturization, Tanuja has portrayed the shy girl who has just been told how special she is.  She has just been lifted off her two feet by the proposal. She is happy yet scared; she's over the moon but remains grounded to understand what her man is saying. Rajesh Khanna shows how eager he was to have her home and share the special feeling he had towards her.

This song makes me quote one from the book Shantaram 'Any Indian man will tell you that although love might not have been invented in India, it was certainly perfected there'

It's incomplete if I don't post the song here.