Thursday, November 13, 2014

The burden of not being ambitious

Coming across as a "not so ambitious person" in this super competitive world kind of sucks. Sorry for the use of such language, perhaps for the first time on this blog, but, the reality is.. it does. 

What's the career path like? Is there one in the first place? Where do I want to see myself in 2 years time? I seriously have no answers for any of this. But, if you ask me, this is how I have been for as long as I remember. I simply don't think about these things, I don't have a clue in hell where I'm headed, I have made no plans what so ever to see where I want/ need to be. Don't ask me about 2 years, I wish I could tell you where I would be in 2 months time.

Oh! Let's put the whole career &  professional life aside and lets just talk about plain simple day to day life alright. 

Do I want a big house to live in? Do I want the best of everything? What about my vacation plans?  Have i gotta plan about how I am going to be the host to many a family? Have I thought of all this or aspired for it? Not sure is the answer. Really?  As unreal, as untrue as it may sound, I don't have these big plans made and filed away, all I have is the routine of day to day life and the joy of day turning into night. Taking it one day at a time is the mantra and I am the preacher of it.   Hmmm ....did I say the joy of day turning into night ? 

Well, I notice that I have been mocked directly or between the lines about being so boringly mundane about everything I do. I did have to spare a thought about it and hence this post.

I wondered and questioned whether I really am this uninterested, un ambitious person and the answer is that I perhaps am. But reading a quote somewhere helped put everything in black & white very clearly! I was like, bang on! How true is that , why on earth couldn't I think of it and put it this way? 

         " Inspired by the fear of being average" 

Yes! That is what it is! I knew there had to be something to get me out of bed every morning. 
 However, I see that this fear for me is in the everyday things... Cooking, cleaning, hosting family and friends home or if it's a presentation , the preparation for a meeting that I put in at work. I want to & strive towards getting all the little things I get my hands on 'Right' , as 'right' as I can make it.

Unfortunately, these small things just don't matter or are not considered as being Ambitious or having a drive of any kind. Never mind about the minute life things that make up your day, you don't shout out that you wanna reach the moon then that's it! You are not much of anything in the eyes of one too many.
 Well getting a bit too philosophical, isn't it? I'll stop with this and carry on being what I am and doing what I do, if not anywhere, I'll at least get to the next day and if not for anyone, I'll be happy and pleased with myself! 

... My two cents on this...a rather weird feeling I keep going through.