Friday, December 28, 2012

A Soliloquy

In spite of the fear of you thinking I am MAD, I'd say that I am always talking to myself, at least in my mind. I have conversations of all sorts running through all the time. There are many things running in parallel in my mind (don't know whether it's good or bad), however I am also very much in the present to understand and interpret the state of activities in my own lil way. My hubby termed me agile; today I think that description for me fits really well. 

These are my random musings and have no order, no context of any kind and can also end abruptly.

I happen to start writing this in a completely empty office (you know how it is during Christmas), with not much to do, no one to talk to....As they say,an idle mind is a devil's workshop. You can see what's churning in my workshop here. 

I have CricInfo on one of the tabs, Ind vs Pak, the 2nd T20. Well! there is no denying it. I enjoy Cricket when (and only when) India is playing. I also believe that if my dad watches the game, we lose! For a quick example, it happened 2 days ago! 

I have been going through random blogs of various people (unknown to me!) and it never ceases to amaze how well people can write! I wonder why my mom believed that I could be a journalist some day (Oh well, you know how mum's are...God Bless!)

Having holidays are never like the way it is back home. The sense of having to do 'nothing' does not exist in me anymore. Something I tend to feel every weekend!

I use way too many!!! In my sentences

I wanna learn how to play a musical instrument. Patience is what is needed. I haven't told anyone yet (but decided to put it on the web!) that I wanna buy a ukulele and learn how to play - let's see how long this will last. 

I tend to be comfortable cooking North Indian food than South Indian - how I wish I had my ajji's culinary skills to do so.

I very badly want to update my Photo Blog today, in fact right now as I have left the poor thing hanging for too long!

All this peace and quiet is something I DON'T enjoy. I am totally at home in a crowded market.

The flow of thoughts always has 2 categories, something I like and something I don't. Some things that frustrate me and some that makes me, here we go...

A few irritating things on my mind:- The fuse in our apartment block has gone out and we had no power this morning. It is almost impossible to carry on doing the basic things in life without electricity in the Western World)- There's no idea of when they can send out a guy to fix it. - I am waiting for the phone to ring, or a text, an email which can ask me to go back home any minute!- It's cold, dark and rainy ( I think I should keep this text handy, so I can copy paste it any other day!)- I am having Porridge (you read it right!) for lunch #yuck

A few happy things on my mind:- Spoke to my bro who is soon going to be buying a car! (Wow... my lil thamma ain't little anymore)- Dad is going to be 60 this March and bro and me chatted about it.- The banana bread I baked yesterday wasn't too bad.- Though I feel shit on most days, I do have my moments where I enjoy the #simplethingsinlife - like just be happy for another day.- Spoke to a couple of friends, how time flies without having spoken a word for so long. The GAP however hadn't widened...God Bless them!- I am going to end this blog - I haven't re-read it, I haven't taken a break or had a think in writing this     ---- Free Flow Salt - is that good? I heard it's rocky salt is!

I am planning to stop this stupidity now however will publish the foolishness..... See I told you....all the quiet in the world doesn't do good to me.

Monday, December 24, 2012

December Diaries

I have left my blog hanging on my previous post for too long. It has dawned on me that no matter what rubbish comes to my mind, when I feel like putting it down... I should! At the end of the day I write for myself. 

Well... Another year comes to an end and I thought let me pen down a few notes to wrap up this year.

Written Dreams - I re-started writing my diary this year. I haven't kept up to it as much as I wanted to, but have been my best attempts so far. It has been comforting and in a little way fulfilling to be able to put the thoughts in black and white. It's like having a friend who can listen to you without being judgmental  I have been writing a lot more and have not been too restrictive with my thoughts. Whether it's a note in the diary, a few scribbles on thoughts, random notes,'s been good.   I would call this a Win.

Being Miserable - I guess this year more than any other in my past life has been the most painful in many aspects. Though I have tried to pull myself together, I have not been successful. If I look back I feel for more than half this year I have remained unhappy, worried, tensed, broken about something or the other. Some aspects of it were not in my control and hence I can easily put the blame and say it was not me. Some others where I have screwed it up big time and there was the repentance that I could have done better. Some others were of being helpless, being far away, being not able to do anything even when you so want to. Some other aspects have been just the day to day features of the big word called Life. I am happy for a couple of days but something envelops me and clouds my state of mind the third...and there is not much I have been able to do. This is a definite Fail!

The Chef in Me - Well... I have enjoyed cooking ever since I have been doing it, never denied that. Of course I have and will mention again that I detest cleaning which follows. Having said that I guess I have learnt a few new tricks, a few easy treats to put food on the table. Unfortunately, I have not clicked a single pic of anything I have prepared and this is something I plan to change in the next year. So what if people back home make a fuss about NRIs clicking pics of what they cook. I don't care and for the joy of cooking and photography I will change this!.

A Book in my Bag - I have made it a point to carry a book where ever I go irrespective of how near or far the journey is. I have been actively reading a book or two throughout this year... which is a change, coz I always used to be bogged down by just one book and was adamant to finish it before I start something new! The huge change I saw is that I don't force a book down if I don't like it....well! Almost there... but getting better at it. 

Leaving a Trail behind - Travel is something I have enjoyed immensely. I thank God for keeping this component of my life active and going good. I got the chance to travel to a couple of new countries - my first time in a Eastern European country was most special. The hubby and I managed 3 holidays in addition to the 2 visits to India. The 3 holidays have been totally different to anything we have done. The first holiday...let’s face it, a disaster to an extent that we wondered why we even took the trip, no more comments about it. The second was to rejuvenate us from the bad phase we had just been through, we welcomed the break. The third was a real holiday, we explored, we faced issues on the trip, and we understood and supported our differences. Work travel has not been extensive; however, it used to come all in a one go which made me crib about it more often than not. Overall, when I look back, I enjoyed it. 

On the Run - Something I started doing this year was going out for a run. Initially, this started as a way to avoid gym. It also started as a way of training towards a couple of 10K which I intended to do and the third was the thought of being in shape and staying fit. The initial few runs were a total misery, however after a few days I started enjoying myself feeling good about going out for a run. I wanted to go for it and that was a great change. I missed it when I didn't do it and I am pleased for myself for discovering something I enjoy doing.

Staying in touch - I make it a point to connect, contact and stay in touch with all near and dear to me irrespective of the fact of what I receive. I need to thank my mother for this. She has often said, just because someone acts funny or silly with us, it isn't done that we act the same. (Though many people think of letting go, I don't want to follow that rule). I must say that not everyone I think is important to me thinks the same of me, Not everyone who I think I need in my life wants me in theirs. Nevertheless, I know who I value in my life and will do anything I can, not to lose them.  

I have many more things to add to this unending list, but the idea was to key in some main ones and hence I draw the strings to this. Hope to be better the next year! 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Venting it Out

I know I shouldn't be writing today but I still am. I generally don't publish rants...but I go...I have been following a couple of blogs where I have seen the 2 bloggers easily write about everything they are going through in life on a day to day easily they seem to pour out every happy occassion,every lonely moment and every sad day....I wish I could express as well as they do...

I cannot bring myself to say what I should be saying, what really is on my mind, I don't express what I should be my parents, to my friends, to family and even to my husband .....this is as I have seen my worst weakness which has hurt me most than anything else.

I met a bunch of people today, none of whom I know anything about, but I generally had a good time...and my mind told me that this is what I needed. Now when I back in my solitude, I think is that what I really needed? It's like getting lost in the company of people who don't know you. Is it because it gives you the chance to be who you wanna be? Or just a. Perspective of it? It was a weird feeling when I thought back about the time spent.

I read a book recently in which the main character had a mental illness called the bipolar disorder - had never ever heard about it,had no clue that such a thing existed. It's a disorder where the subject is hyper active at times- does wonderful things, is most efficient in everything they do, and then they have times of depression, where nothing goes well. Hmm...I don't have to explain what a bipolar disorder can get better information on the net about it. I just mentioned this to my hubby who is a doctor that I think I have mild case of this and he looked at me....gave a pause and said..yea! You have it!

My home back in India is undergoing renovation and every day when I talk to mom she tells me about the tensions that they are going through about this. I feel like such a bad daughter not being there and helping them out.

These may sound seriously odd.....may sound like tantrums...but I had to put this down....I had to let it go....I might do this more and more often to lighten me up. There is a unknown comfort in the fact that no one knows.....

Wednesday, October 10, 2012

My Virtual World

I have been putting off writing about this for a while now, just coz I didn't feel like publishing how big a saddo I am!In this day and age a lot of the human population stay connected in various ways to the online world, similarly, I saw myself doing the same. I was considering the list of applications that I use for various purposes and thought of writing about it....

It is such a boring topic, but as one can see I have lost my flow again!!! My virtual world (as of now) consists of the following:

Gmail/Gtalk - I have been using gmail ever since it's conception and have totally loved it! Gtalk - comes within and is great to have a quick chat (if someone wants to!)

Blogger - I have been on this for a while now and was introduced to this by a pal. High maintenance!!, but if I feel like penning down something it's great to do so. I also like the thought of putting up something which I can go back and look at whenever, wherever.  I enjoy reading others blogs, wish I had some good Html skills to add links to my blog page.

Evernote - I mainly started using this to maintain my diary ( of course after having tried paper diaries, notebooks, calendar style pads), this is one which has worked best for me. I also started taking random notes, made points, wrote quotes which I came across in this app.

Twitter - I have already blogged about my twitter bug. It's great as you don't need to think too much, you don't need to be correct about anything, it's a glorified scribble pad for me. Though, the app is used by many for professional and informative purposes.

Facebook - Needs no introduction. I see myself drifting away from it...but I'm back on it!

Viber/Skype - Internet calls/messages - no cost - don't have many connected on it but it works well!

Goodreads - A friend of mine introduced me to this. My first impression was that this is a place where I can read any book - wrong! It's a place where I can track what I read, add friends and get an idea about what they read. The best section is that the app recommends books based on what you have read or by genre - awesome! I can't think of a better way to look for books to read.

Dhingana - Brilliant app to listen to hindi songs - the latest & greatest included. I have found that it does not have everything that you may want, but has a pretty decent library of songs.

Needless to say, I am hooked to Google for everything I want to look up. If I need a quick info about something I go to Wikipedia. I was tempted to write iBooks, but I still struggle to read books on iPad or a device, love the fact of holding a book.

I also have a host of other sites and apps I frequent, I am sparing myself the task of penning down everything and bore myself and you to death!

Monday, September 17, 2012

Frustration - Unspoken Conversations!

I wish I was not such a private person. Of course for people who think they know me, I come across as a cheerful, lively soul who is chatty and talkitive, enjoying the company of family and friends all of which is true. However every person seems to have their other side and that for me is the person who struggles to
talk what is enveloping her mind every passing minute.

Yes! I have problems talking things out. I come really close to saying it, I would have weaved a story in my mind about how I am going to start, go through and end the conversation. I would have also thought of the 'right time' to make certain conversations - to say things, I also might have a Plan B and C if this time and circumstance does not work but the bottom line is 'I never say it out'.

It has come to a stage where I am frustrated almost every other day thinking what a failure I am!

Why is it so hard to speak?? Why is it so hard to open up? I am talking about opening up to people who are close to me, people who mean a lot to me.

Sunday, August 26, 2012

My PhotoBlog -

Finally! I have created my photoblog.

I have always been interested in photography ( if I have to give a simple term -clicking pics, viewing pics and collecting pictures). However, the first time it took shape was about a decade ago when I got my first ever digital camera. It was a basic model of Nikon and I was the happiest with it clicking away pics of places I visit and almost anything I could see. In kannada there is a saying called manganige manikya bandha hage (which means that the monkey has discovered a gem)....which was true for me.

I started blogging around 2005 and wanted to have another one only for pictures and one for music (which did take shape here - but you will see that it is not updated as it was hard to maintain two).

I thank my parents for always encouraging me to be doing what I like, I thank my friends who backed me with anything I did (though some of my articles and photos were really not that good), I thank my husband for gifting me my second camera and first set of lens though he knew I wasn't going to be some great photographer.

I have been lucky to go places and I have tried to capture this in my own way to show what I see and how I see it. is up!!!

I hope those of you who visit will enjoy what's on it.

Saturday, August 25, 2012

A Beautiful Proposal

'Name a song that is your favourite' - That's quite a hard thing to do for most of us. The first thing one might say is 'It's hard to pick one, I have so many favourites'.
It's not any different with me, though; if I am really pushed to give an answer it's got to be either Rhim Jhim gire saawan (which I have blogged about before) or O mere dil ke chein (which I will be blogging about now).
I know what you are thinking - 2 songs! That’s not fair. Come on, I can have a choice of 2 amongst 1000s that are good. I like this song for the usual things - the music, the lyrics, the tune, the picturization and of course Kishore Kumar.
The song is where a boy asks the girl to be his for the rest of his life. The simplicity of the song is brought out in the lyrics which are more like the boy making a conversation with the love of his life asking her not to be scared, asking her to hold his hand and telling her that she means the world to him.
All this sounds a bit too cheesy isn't it, but honestly... that's what the song is all about and that's what makes it beautiful.
In its picturization, Tanuja has portrayed the shy girl who has just been told how special she is.  She has just been lifted off her two feet by the proposal. She is happy yet scared; she's over the moon but remains grounded to understand what her man is saying. Rajesh Khanna shows how eager he was to have her home and share the special feeling he had towards her.
This song makes me quote one from the book Shantaram 'Any Indian man will tell you that although love might not have been invented in India, it was certainly perfected there'
It's incomplete if I don't post the song here.

Sunday, August 19, 2012

Friend-UnFriend: FaceBook

OK... This Topic might go nowhere.

There has been many times when I look at the number of 'friends' on my Facebook profile and get frustrated. Firstly, I am not in touch with most of them for more than 10 years or so. We are friends on Facebook for days, months, years, but haven't written a simple Hi to each other. When you see a birthday note popping up, you end up wishing - more like a ‘Oh! I have to wish now I know it is’. I don't blame anyone or the system. These are purely my thoughts.

There was a time when I was so angered with the quality of relationships that I decided to deactivate my account for a while. 2 people out of the 350+ friends noticed that I was not to be seen on it. Never heart burns there....for sure :). It definitely showed me something.

Don't get me wrong. I don't dislike Facebook. In fact, the reason why I am back on it is for the fact that I have found a few people in my life today I might never have found and I have to Thank FB as it was the platform that made it happen.

I think of it also as a great forum to post events. How would one know about all that's happening around at one given place? It is a brilliant way to advertise, market, invite the community you connect to.

On the other hand, you wish to disconnect from someone it happens with a click of a button - literally! It's a switch on or off to have a friend! How much more easier can it get!? Even better, you click a second time and you can block the person too! Wonder if your inner self could have a switch like that!

It reminds me of 'Tu-Say' that we used to do as little kids in kindergarten. 'Tu' confirming that we are not friends anymore and hence won't be talking and 'Say' bringing the friendship back, forgetting what might have happened.

There are too many things about friends and friendship and I am no genius to quote something new ....that said, I can copy something which I have liked and this quote in particular makes its place here

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.”

― Elbert Hubbard

Thursday, August 16, 2012

A simple Cup of Tea

Here I go again about Coffee and Tea... very typical of me to get caught onto some topics more than others. I would like to think of myself as a coffee lover. Have I mentioned that before? Well!!!

However, in the past few years I am inclined to drinking and enjoying tea as much as I enjoy Coffee. This said, it's pretty hard for me to start my day without coffee - that cup or two to start a new day has to be Coffee! But as the day progresses, I see myself inclined towards tea.

For most of my life 'Tea' for me was what my mom prepared. A pot in which water, tea leaves, some ginger, ground elaichi, sugar and milk go in together, brought to a boil and served hot! Oh! It makes me want her tea as I say this!

She has always enjoyed serving her tea to those who enjoy tea and has this very special way of serving them in Corelle mugs (only), which are never used otherwise. I can say with all honesty that a few of my friends were 'Fans' of her tea and loved to drop in at that hour of the evening for a quick one. This was more of a common feat during the monsoon months as it's a perfect note to an evening when it rains. This perhaps is the story of many a household in India.

Tea in the western world is a whole new story. A kettle to boil the water, Tea bag in the cup, hot water going in, Sugar if required, leave it for 2-3mins, squeeze the bag out and add cold ( read it correct) milk to it, Stir and tea is ready!

I was miserable the first time I had it.

Tea also can be 'anything'....literally. Had never imagined jasmine or pomegranate or Orange or Strawberry to be 'tea' material! I must admit that I am not fond of all the available flavours, some of them just a funny coloured, weird smelling hot water. I do enjoy the 'Lemon & Ginger' tea in the evenings when I come home or during cooking.

I liked creating this collection of pictures of various blends of tea, a small set giving a quick view of what's available in the world of tea.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

When things go Wrong....

Sometimes things come to you when you have least expected it. It does not bring you easy options too!

When things get tough, when you are going through perhaps one of the worst phases of your life everything seems to come to a standstill. Collecting yourself together to get through and be as normal as you can be is challenging. These are times when everything else takes a very low priority.

It's often said that talking your troubles to others would bring comfort. However, there are a few thoughts around it, do you want to tell someone something that's bothering you and trouble them too? And the other being it's painful to spread the problem and you might want to keep it with yourself.

Time is always said to heal almost everything. Easier said than done, but giving this time some 'Time' actually works. The intensity of the problem is surprisingly low on the 4th or the 5th day than Day 1!

Looking at alternatives, again, something that does not always work, but a deviation of whatever sort from the issue does some good for the otherwise bad day.

Being positive that things will get better for the good is perhaps one of the best ways to get by, the will to be that needs to be strong.

There's also the why me, why this, why now factors which pulls you back 2 steps when you have made an attempt to take 4 ahead.

All this said... It's faith in God that things will change that is the ultimate strength and we need to take each moment and carry on with an unaltered faith that 'HE' has something in store for you and that's how things work.

Monday, August 06, 2012

We all make the Games

I have always enjoyed watching, reading Advertisements that it sometimes makes people around me wonder how I can get sold by an Ad! I do have another post talking about the same. It's amazing as to how creative people can be about getting a message across, just by a few words, the correct picture, that it stays imprinted in your mind.

These days in London with all the Olympic buzz, there of course is a lot of advertising by the main sponsors- now! Why would they leave a chance like this when they have paid all that money to show their names!

The one which stands out and no surprises here is that of Mc Donald's. They have at least 20 different posters which collectively create the punch line 'We all make the games'. They have included the common man and have highlighted how the audience makes a huge part of the show. It displays how an individual would react to an event, would show an emotion of an occasion and how expressions can change for a win, a loss, a competition, a battle which is all a part of the sport.

I would love to have all the pictures to put up here. But here's a few to highlight what I am talking about, plan to update this if I can get hold of more.....

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Thank you for the Music

I owe this piece of music to my dad.
Yes! It was my dad who introduced me to all the songs of ABBA, he gifted me the cassettes The best of ABBA and ABBA Gold and made me listen to it telling me stories about how great a band they were, their music, their tours and the movie that was filmed on their tour. He loved their music and used to hum most of their songs while driving.

As a little girl I didn't think twice. I had learnt that all that my father likes has to be good and I immediately started liking and learning all of ABBA's songs. Fernando will remain closest to me as it's of course dad's favourite song. He used to make me repeat the lines 'If I had to do the same again, I would my friend Fernando...' and I cheerfully did it over and over.

I didn't really learn a lot about the band, how they came into picture and why they broke up back then. While watching the Euro Vision concert last year there was a mention about ABBA being one of the most successful bands to come out of the Euro Vision concert and they brought Sweden victory and a place in the history of the concert. And then the website, wiki gives us loads of details about them and their songs so I won’t dwell into it.

If I am forced to sing a song anywhere anyplace it has to be a song from ABBA and most likely Dancing Queen. After all these years I am still a fan of ABBA and haven't been bored listening to them.

Favourite songs on mine Thank you for the music, Winner takes it all, Fernando, SOS, One of us is dying, Dancing Queen, Chiquitita, Mamma Mia and pretty much everything else...

So I say......

Thank you for the music....for giving it to me.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Bitten by the Twitter Bug

I don't remember when I actually created a 'Twitter' account and I am too lazy to go back and check. However, initially I wasn't the brightest to understand what the fuss about Twitter was all about. I was wondering what is there to tweet about! What is the concept of tagging! What on earth is a retweet, quote tweet, what happens when we use a '@', when to use a '#' and so on. I basically didn't get it! I thought I was completely not cut out for it.
But today I am totally changed in my view about Twitter! Yes #somethingsDOchange :)
I think it's a great platform for people who like to talk, who like to express and for some who just like to record day to day activities.

Now, I always thought a Blog is great, however, it's quite an effort to maintain it and when you have just a statement to make it isn’t so great. You wouldn't want to churn a blog for a note. I always pushed myself to maintain a diary, but I found myself not keeping up to it every day. Now everyone is not like Bigb or SrBachchan as his blog’s changed now - it's awesome how he writes every single day!

Facebook is on a slightly different scale - but I was not always comfortable about putting up everything I think.

It's connects to people on such larger scale. If I want to know about what someone or some organization I care about is doing it's a great informal way to connect - opening up a bigger audience.

More than all that what drove me towards it is that I love to talk! And in my opinion Twitter is cut out for people who love to talk but don't have a person to always talk to. It's great to capture life's little moments, day to day thoughts and just quote...sorry tweet a random note about a little something.

So I conclude saying ....... Happy Tweeting!

Monday, July 23, 2012


I read this quote somewhere 'Cousins are your very first friends.... They are like childhood friends. Nobody will understand the craziness of your family better than your cousins'. As soon as I read it, I was nodding away.

I think one is very lucky to have had a childhood with Cousins. It's like having a ready friend who is around any time you need them, who can bring fun to summer holidays, give a whole new context to family functions and other small family gatherings which otherwise can be quite boring. Festival celebrations and shopping for these occasions are exciting. I have this cousin who is just a few years younger and we used to get dresses and clothes which were similar and very often exchanged it.

We have numerous stories about various topics and this does not run out! About the movies we have watched together, the trips we have been on, we have had joint crushes on movie stars or cricket stars. Saving up the little pocket money or mainly the money we get as a gift during festivals to eat street food or
ice creams. The nights we have spent talking away while doing the many stay over’s at each other’s places. I have never tired talking about these stories over and over again. Of course talking about these to the people in context is never a bore, though others not in the loop might give you a 'I have heard this before...'

On the flip side it can also take a reverse turn, especially when it comes to studies, sports, competition at school or just about being good at 'something'. The first comparison is made with the immediate cousin which is absolutely not the nicest thing to go through. It's all about, oh! She’s done well in her class, he's topped his class, he won something, she is the school leader and whether you are good yourself or not, this Like vs Like comparison has no end.

We have also had times when you talk every now and then, don't talk much for ages, talk a lot- all the time... having been through all these phases I can now say for sure that connecting with cousins always has made me happy. There are some things with cousins you cannot share with friends or anyone else and I
thank God for the lovely cousins I have had.

Saturday, July 07, 2012

The Comfort of Ignorance

While talking to a friend recently about random things we spoke about certain people who you might not really know you well, but who tend to share something’s close to them that they cannot do with people who they know intimately.

It might be a good thing or a bad thing. But typically, they tend to discuss thoughts about other people, crushes they might have had at different times, some failed relationships, perhaps issues at home too.

My friend and I were talking about why is it that some people open up such thoughts to others who they just know as an acquaintance. They might know nothing about you or your life; however tend to easily shell out what they have.

My friend put this in a nice way that it is ' The Comfort of Ignorance' that's makes people open up such way to someone they hardly know. Even better, to a person who doesn't know much about them as a person or their world. They can talk about people in their life and typically pain caused easily as the listener here knows no one and can just listen with an open mind without any preconceived notions.

This thought that my friend put across and what made us discuss it is why this note took shape in my blog today...

Friday, July 06, 2012

Something About Sunsets

Who doesn't enjoy a perfect Sunrise or a Sunset. Well, the Sun rises and sets everyday, however, when you are at a picturesque place, by the sea, on a cliff, by the river it's all the more thrilling to witness the change in colours of the sky and the big ball of fire rise and brighten or fall and darken the sky. For not being a 'Morning Person', I prefer Sunset. At least, I don't have to wake up really early - How Vain!

I really enjoy the palette of colours across the sky which changes from blue to pink to Orange to deeper orange, a red and yellow splash before it makes way to deep bluish purple sky and ends in darkness.

A lot of people are excited about capturing this perfect moment in paintings or poetry or the easier option being photography. I haven't tried the first two, however have tried the third option and have been more disappointed than happy about the outcome. The following pictures are not what I can say was a great sunset. It was a simple evening on Lake Kumarakom. The perfect picture of a Sunset for me is with Coconut Trees and water. This is what makes me put this up here...reminiscing the evening.

Wednesday, July 04, 2012

Miles for Missing People

Well.... This is an old story and I dont want to sound like I'm braggin! I write this because for someone like me, it is a huge thing to be able to do a 'Run'. This one was a Charity Run called 'Miles for Missing People' - a 10Km run in Hyde Park. Yeah Yeah...I know it's 10Km and not a Marathon, but it's still a big one for me as I suppose Marathon is something I would never attempt to do!

Now, why did I do this? Every now and then I have this Fitness Bug (like many other people in Life) and just to feed the habit I needed a goal of some kind. The other slightly more important urge was to do something good for the charity and I saw this idea of doing a run to raise some money for a cause a great option. The most important thing why I choose to do it was the name - Miles for missing people! Lemme explain. This Charity works for finding those people who go missing, either by being kidnapped, or lost or they are depressed and they go away and leave family and friends missing them.

Thank you God! I don't have an incident like that and would never want to have one like that. However, the fact that I do live so far away from my known world, my people, family and friends make me miss them more than I can put in down in words and hence I did this run for all the people I Miss.....all the time.

To all of you lovely people in my life ...some in touch, some not....I remember you and miss you as I go by....

And.. for the not so important fact, I finished the race in just over an hour, Slow but Happy.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Locking Love

The love padlock bridge in Paris was something I saw on this quick work trip to Paris.

Many lovers, young and old put this to lock their love on the bridge Pont des Arts in Paris which symbolize it. Can love be locked? Though it's a very emotional feeling to be able to lock - isn't love about setting things free?

If it could have been locked and kept, there would have been no heartbreaks, no sadness, no broken feelings and dreams...It however seems like a beautiful thought of two people in love to tie down their dreams together and mark their future together.

Love is something you cannot demand from someone or on the other hand you cant expect someone to love you.
It's also about giving the space. I don't think I can understand the concept of 2 souls 1 life, perhaps I have lost the feeling, or perhaps I never had such a feeling.

However, when I walked across this bridge in Paris, in the pouring rain, I had a happy feeling, I remembered my loved ones, missed them and reflected that love, relationships cannot be kept locked, how I wish I could have kept it locked...I wouldn't lose anyone...

Killing Thoughts

I cant be doing this...I don't want to do that..
I can't believe it has come to this stage!
I can't say that...I don't wanna say anything.
I can't understand why this is happening!
I don't want to get into this.
I don't know what might happen??
I can't get you.. Why can't you get me..
Don't you hear me..don't you understand me..
I can't understand why things have to be "this" way
Why can't things be done this way?
I can't digest any more of your cold behaviour towards me!
I don't get the reason behind you treating me this way!
I can't get over by the fact it is considered that whatever i have is not good and the thoughts which run through my mind are not right.
I can't take this anymore..

.....Why is it that thoughts, thoughts that are negative, thoughts that kill always

envelops my mind!!! does it happen with everyone or is it me!!!!!!


Therez a tag line for expressions.. " when you dont know what to".

Does expression come on its own? is it easy to express? is it hard to express?
There are a lot of such questions that come up when this word is used. the first to start with would be 'is it wrong not to express?' or 'is it a wrongexpression?'.
This is where most things go wrong, or to say it specifically havegone wrong with me. this has a lot to do with the feelings, emotions, expectations.Sometimes you are in a situation where in you do not know how to react and so you remain silent, where as that same instance demanded some output from you, some
expression from you, some thoughts from you.

There are other instances where in youreact in a certain way/in your own natural way and that goes wrong, that is not accepted, because that was not expected from you,  you are showed that it was not right. where does it leave you? Expressions whether they come or not is natural. It cannot be forced upon. It
has to just happen. Sometimes, its also dependent on the situation.

Expression can be many things, a mother caring for her child, two youngpeople being for each other,caring for an old person, showing gratitude to someonewho has been for you,moving away from a person when they approach you..... many many things....all these are expressions of love, of care, of fondness, of gratitude, of hatred... so all this put together expression is quite a complex thing...

So.. am I expressing myself properly or is this all too complex.. this is one thing to show, to understand...finally it's perhaps best to be the way you are and do what comes from within, at that moment.. leave it to the world to understand you the way you are and move on...

Dada....This is for you...

This is for the person whom i can't forget, a person who was a constant source of inspiration for me. This is for you... Dada...we used to call him Mom's dad. School days are the best days of your life.. who says 'no'? Yes indeed they were the best days of our lives.

Come summer holidays( two full months of April and May) after the final exams, we packed our bags to go to Grandma's house. Grandma-Pa stayed at Bangalore itself, so it was just a change of area for some days.. All cousins used to gather, lots of fun activities, lots of things to do... to look forward to.

Grandpa's house was nice, two mango trees, jackfruit tree, mulberry tree..lots of place to play. It used to be fun. we used to play all day, quarrel also in between, but overall used to have a lot of fun. In the evening dada used to take all of us out either to Lalbagh, bugle rock (very close to Basavanagudi) or to Gandhi bazaar or any other place. It was amazing to see him handle all of us with so much patience. i dont remember him getting angry on anyone of us for any reason. He used to patiently show us the place around, buy us something to eat..usually ice cream/peanuts... not more than that because our granny would have actually packed us some nice stuff for our picnic (as we called it!). We roamed around till it was dark and returned home back to our indoor games room.

When it came to academics, I was generally an above average student... but had lots of problems with maths. It usually happened that all my cousins scored 90+ on 100 or some of them a 100/100 but I was the one who had always lagged behind. Those few days used to be bad....I used to feel so low...everyone said 'Maths is where you can score full marks!' .. but how??? why didnt that happen with me?? I was down and out!

There came my grandpa.. he was one person who lifted my spirits up that one day even I can get maximum marks in it and that 'What you put into anything is all that matters and not what you get from it'. He had been confident that I would get it someday.All this said and done.. every year the same thing repeated and he was there for me...

Then there came an year.. I was in the 5th Standard.. the usual process..but there was something great.. i had a full 100 on 100 in Maths.. the fear of Maths was gone,There was some kind of satisfaction, excitement of achieving something (small or big!) ....the first thing I wanted to do was to show my report card to my grandpa.... but was over...he was no more.

It's such an incomplete feeling...but now I know, that what was learnt by him would always remain.. nothing changes.. he's not amongst us, but his views, his support is always there and that makes me happy...

With Fond Memories...This is for you..Dada...