Friday, June 22, 2012

Locking Love

The love padlock bridge in Paris was something I saw on this quick work trip to Paris.

Many lovers, young and old put this to lock their love on the bridge Pont des Arts in Paris which symbolize it. Can love be locked? Though it's a very emotional feeling to be able to lock - isn't love about setting things free?

If it could have been locked and kept, there would have been no heartbreaks, no sadness, no broken feelings and dreams...It however seems like a beautiful thought of two people in love to tie down their dreams together and mark their future together.

Love is something you cannot demand from someone or on the other hand you cant expect someone to love you.
It's also about giving the space. I don't think I can understand the concept of 2 souls 1 life, perhaps I have lost the feeling, or perhaps I never had such a feeling.

However, when I walked across this bridge in Paris, in the pouring rain, I had a happy feeling, I remembered my loved ones, missed them and reflected that love, relationships cannot be kept locked, how I wish I could have kept it locked...I wouldn't lose anyone...

Killing Thoughts

I cant be doing this...I don't want to do that..
I can't believe it has come to this stage!
I can't say that...I don't wanna say anything.
I can't understand why this is happening!
I don't want to get into this.
I don't know what might happen??
I can't get you.. Why can't you get me..
Don't you hear me..don't you understand me..
I can't understand why things have to be "this" way
Why can't things be done this way?
I can't digest any more of your cold behaviour towards me!
I don't get the reason behind you treating me this way!
I can't get over by the fact it is considered that whatever i have is not good and the thoughts which run through my mind are not right.
I can't take this anymore..

.....Why is it that thoughts, thoughts that are negative, thoughts that kill always

envelops my mind!!! does it happen with everyone or is it me!!!!!!


Therez a tag line for expressions.. " when you dont know what to".

Does expression come on its own? is it easy to express? is it hard to express?
There are a lot of such questions that come up when this word is used. the first to start with would be 'is it wrong not to express?' or 'is it a wrongexpression?'.
This is where most things go wrong, or to say it specifically havegone wrong with me. this has a lot to do with the feelings, emotions, expectations.Sometimes you are in a situation where in you do not know how to react and so you remain silent, where as that same instance demanded some output from you, some
expression from you, some thoughts from you.

There are other instances where in youreact in a certain way/in your own natural way and that goes wrong, that is not accepted, because that was not expected from you,  you are showed that it was not right. where does it leave you? Expressions whether they come or not is natural. It cannot be forced upon. It
has to just happen. Sometimes, its also dependent on the situation.

Expression can be many things, a mother caring for her child, two youngpeople being for each other,caring for an old person, showing gratitude to someonewho has been for you,moving away from a person when they approach you..... many many things....all these are expressions of love, of care, of fondness, of gratitude, of hatred... so all this put together expression is quite a complex thing...

So.. am I expressing myself properly or is this all too complex.. this is one thing to show, to understand...finally it's perhaps best to be the way you are and do what comes from within, at that moment.. leave it to the world to understand you the way you are and move on...

Dada....This is for you...

This is for the person whom i can't forget, a person who was a constant source of inspiration for me. This is for you... Dada...we used to call him Mom's dad. School days are the best days of your life.. who says 'no'? Yes indeed they were the best days of our lives.

Come summer holidays( two full months of April and May) after the final exams, we packed our bags to go to Grandma's house. Grandma-Pa stayed at Bangalore itself, so it was just a change of area for some days.. All cousins used to gather, lots of fun activities, lots of things to do... to look forward to.

Grandpa's house was nice, two mango trees, jackfruit tree, mulberry tree..lots of place to play. It used to be fun. we used to play all day, quarrel also in between, but overall used to have a lot of fun. In the evening dada used to take all of us out either to Lalbagh, bugle rock (very close to Basavanagudi) or to Gandhi bazaar or any other place. It was amazing to see him handle all of us with so much patience. i dont remember him getting angry on anyone of us for any reason. He used to patiently show us the place around, buy us something to eat..usually ice cream/peanuts... not more than that because our granny would have actually packed us some nice stuff for our picnic (as we called it!). We roamed around till it was dark and returned home back to our indoor games room.

When it came to academics, I was generally an above average student... but had lots of problems with maths. It usually happened that all my cousins scored 90+ on 100 or some of them a 100/100 but I was the one who had always lagged behind. Those few days used to be bad....I used to feel so low...everyone said 'Maths is where you can score full marks!' .. but how??? why didnt that happen with me?? I was down and out!

There came my grandpa.. he was one person who lifted my spirits up that one day even I can get maximum marks in it and that 'What you put into anything is all that matters and not what you get from it'. He had been confident that I would get it someday.All this said and done.. every year the same thing repeated and he was there for me...

Then there came an year.. I was in the 5th Standard.. the usual process..but there was something great.. i had a full 100 on 100 in Maths.. the fear of Maths was gone,There was some kind of satisfaction, excitement of achieving something (small or big!) ....the first thing I wanted to do was to show my report card to my grandpa.... but was over...he was no more.

It's such an incomplete feeling...but now I know, that what was learnt by him would always remain.. nothing changes.. he's not amongst us, but his views, his support is always there and that makes me happy...

With Fond Memories...This is for you..Dada...